


this is a all i can take (this is how a heart breaks)

by jessklewolf



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Asexuality Spectrum, Canon - Comics, F/F, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor-centric, Kryptonian Culture & Customs, Lena Luthor Needs a Hug, Pansexual Character, Season 2 AU
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-01
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 16:34:50
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 38,565
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23430268
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessklewolf/pseuds/jessklewolf
Summary: Lena Luthor is heartbroken when she comes to National City. And she’s heartbroken when she leaves it. Kara finds herself somewhere in the middle, like always.
Relationships: Alex Danvers & Kara Danvers, Alex Danvers/Maggie Sawyer, Darla the Roltikkon, Darla x Jess, Jess & Lena Luthor, Kara Danvers & Mon-El, Kara Danvers/Lena Luthor
Comments: 38
Kudos: 189





	1. Chapter 1 - Lena

**Author's Note:**

> Season 2 AU - Lore is a mix of the original comics, Smallville, Supergirl, and the Superman movies. Playing hard and fast with canon here LOL. Been a long time since I've written anything (big life changes recently), so please be kind! This chapter is for my sister and my best friend who listen to all my gay ranting <3

**Chapter 1**

_Don't you want to go for a ride  
Just keep your hands inside  
And make the most out of life  
Now don't you take it for granted  
Life is like a mean machine  
It made a mess out of me  
And let me come between  
Like an anchor dream, I was stranded  
I was stranded, yeah yeah yeah_

_And I'm steady though I'm starting to shake  
And I don't know how much more I can take_

_\- Matchbox Twenty_

~~~~~~

Lena remembers when she was allowed to have dreams. Real dreams.

Like when her mother would scoop her up into the big rocking chair and ask, “Little Lena, my love, what’t’you wanna do?” Lena could hardly contain her excitement as she bounced in her mother’s arms. “I want to be an astronaut!” And her mother would laugh, laugh in the way only the happiest woman in the world could.

She could picture that moment, even if, at 24, she can admit that it might just have been created by her imagination. A 4-year-old and her mom, smiling at each other, never thinking they’d be ripped apart by shadows in the water.

But even that heartbreak wasn’t enough to end her dreaming. She could ignore Lillian’s scowl as her father’s associates laughed at her childish enthusiasm for a future she didn’t know was already written for her. She didn’t care that she embarrassed her stepmother, proudly telling the stodgy old men that she was going to be a Grand Master at chess, with Lex’s help.

The fact that her dreams were fantastic and silly to Lillian gave them even more authenticity. It meant they were hers and her alone, the hopes and dreams of little, 8-year-old Lena. Her Irish accent had been bullied out of her and the messy black hair was straightened, but she was still the girl who loved sitting in her mother’s lap, in their chair, a girl who loved to push the limits of logic and dream big.

But it had been a long time since she was able to dream of a future outside of her family’s expectations.

The last time she dreamed was with Jack.

Sweet, charming, adorkable Jack Spheer. She dreamed they would cure cancer in a garage, living off of orange soda and soggy salads that piled up whenever they and their small team made a breakthrough. She dreamed they would save the world together, and at the end of the day, that she would get the happy ending she deserved - with the respect of the people, the love of a great person, and the financial freedom to keep helping the world.

That dream ended when her father died, although she didn’t know it in that moment. Sometimes, the future starts slow. She mourned for the man who had once loved her mother. She mourned for the man who had once given her a name. And then she moved forward, supporting Lex as he took on the heavy corporate burdens that they both know had driven their father into an early grave.

Life went on. She had a few more precious years before it all slipped away.

Before Lex inherited the company.

Before he went mad.

Before a job was thrust on her, dashing all the things Jack and she would whisper about over a centrifuge as they worked so far into the night that it became morning. They were going to live by the water, in a small cottage with a garden in the front. Somewhere on the coast so that maybe, just maybe, she could feel like she was back home with her mother, feeling the ocean spray on her face every morning. Maybe they could get a nice old rocking chair too.

Yet, she took all these moments of pondering for granted. She had to leave, and Jack didn’t, wouldn’t follow.

And yes, technically she didn’t have to leave Metropolis. But how could she stay? How could she stay at the scene of the crime, re-living it every day? She woke up that morning with a smile on her face. She was at lunch with her team downtown when she felt the first tremors. It was only when she looked outside and saw everyone running in terror that she realized it was an attack.

If it wasn’t for Jess, Lena doesn’t think she would have made it out at all.

Jess was the one who yanked her up and out of the restaurant moments before rubble from across the street blasted through the windows and demolished where they once sat. Jess was the one who guided her to Chinatown where they hunkered down in the basement of her parent’s store, along with dozens of other terrified citizens the Huangs had pulled off the street.

Later, Lena would be eternally grateful for Jess and her family, would even pay to fix the damages to their place personally. Afterwards, she would spend endless days sitting behind the counter hugging one of the shop cats as the construction workers put up new lighting. She’d scarf down fresh steamed dumplings by the basket as she tried to plot out her next course of action with Jess. It was the one place the reporters never thought to look.

The Huangs never minded their newest addition, always claiming she saved their family business that had been around for 3 generations.

But right then and there, on that terrible day, Jess was the one to save her, and the Huangs had saved her from herself every day after.

Because the moment Lena looked towards where the people were running from and saw the Lexosuit, the one she had helped Lex troubleshoot under the ruse of a UN peacekeeping contract, she stopped breathing, stopped thinking, stopped dreaming.

It was as if her life ended, just as surely as the lives of Lex’s countless victims in his insane plot against Superman.

The reporters, the lawyers, the skeptics, they all asked her, “Didn’t you notice he was going crazy? Why couldn’t you stop him?”

Stupid questions from stupid people.

If you knew Lex, then you only knew what he wanted you to know. You only knew the side of himself that he let you see. And all Lena was ever shown was the doting big brother, and later, the man who was going to change the world.

Well, he did end up changing her world, but not the way she had thought he would. When it came time for her to testify, she thought it would be hard to come to terms with the two contrasting visions of him, brother and murderer. But once his actions revealed his madness, it was easy for her to go back in her mind and pick out moments where things weren’t _quite_ right.

Where he hesitated after saying something truly horrid, as if he meant it, before playing it off as a joke. Where he stared at Superman with something a little less like respect and a little bit more like disgust.

It’s true, she only saw what he wanted her to see, but hindsight really is 20/20, and once the rose-colored goggles were off, they were off for good.

So she couldn’t be there anymore.

It didn’t matter that Metropolis was her home. That her apartment on 5th and Dauer still had a year on the lease. That she had spent hours with her brother sitting in the Daily Planet bullpen, pestering Clark to come to lunch with them. That she loved the dirty little bar Lois took her to when she turned 21. That she had plans with Sam and Jess to see the Mary-Janes play next year. She was now stranded in her new position as CEO. But she refused to be stranded in a place she could not stand to be.

~~~~~~~~~~

It was easy to leave Jack.

That’s something hard for her to admit as she walked away from him. The woman he loved had died, and in her place was a woman who had loved the idea of love with him, but could no longer stomach the reality. It was far from amicable. She thought about her last fight with him, the way he asked her to stay and called her a coward for leaving. She thought about how much she loved him, but also how much she knew love wasn’t always enough.

After all that had happened, she was putting herself before the relationship, and that wasn’t fair to him.

He got most of the team and their apartment in the split.

She, surprisingly, got Jess. Watching your friend’s older brother (and a man you also kind of idolized) almost decimate the city you grew up in can do a lot of damage to your psyche. She wanted to leave too.

Lena, honestly, didn’t know what to make of it. She was used to people leaving her - her mother, her father, Andrea, Mercy, and now Lex. Not to mention the lack of calls from Lois and Clark. She wasn’t used to people who stayed, not even after all the years she spent in a committed relationship.

So Lena did what she always did when she didn’t know what to do - she overcompensated. She offered to relocate the entire Huang family and their businesses to the West Coast just for Jess, even invested in some properties in National City’s very own Chinatown.

The Huangs wouldn’t leave.

But Jess, to Lena’s astonishment, came anyways.

On their flight out, Lena had asked the Asian American how she could still support the sister of a monster. And Jess, already reclining her chair and putting on an eye mask simply replied, “How could I not support my parents’ new favorite daughter?”

And that was that. If it was said with some petty annoyance, Lena forgave her for it. Jess’ parents had even photo-shopped her into their Christmas card, after all. Any only child would be slightly miffed.

But while it was said with slight pettiness, it was mostly filled with fondness. The two had never been best friends; Jack had always filled that role. But Jess was the one who always made sure the garage fridge was stocked with orange soda, and she was the one who organized and delegated team tasks. Maybe they never would have become close, who knows? Lena couldn’t fathom it at this point. It seemed one good thing did come from Lex’s madness.

But despite the comfort afforded to her by the presence of her friend at her side, the flight to National City was too long for her mind to wander for long. After all, she didn’t dream anymore. Now she just worried. She just schemed. She just wished things could be different. Yet no amount of wishing would change her reality.

She couldn’t help but think of Jack.

“Why won’t you pick me?” He had asked her that, tiredly, as he watched her pack up her half of their shared life. She feels his words keenly somewhere above Kansas, her heart yelling back, “Why didn’t _you_ pick _me_?”

She knows why.

Having a Luthor, especially the new CEO, attached to their cure wouldn’t garner funding for their nanotechnology. And he was too proud to let Luthor Corp fund the project - “dirty money,” the team had said. Lena couldn’t say she disagreed.

Soon enough she would be dirty as well.

She may be young, but she wasn’t naïve enough to think she would be able to raise the company back from financial ruin through kindness or good management. She had to clean house. And she had started looking into her options as she sat in her brother’s chair, watching as the Metropolis PD tore apart what was once her brother’s pristine office, a monument to his ego and his greatness, in equal measures.

Ignoring the chaos around her, and trusting in Sam’s hawk eyes watching the police from her sentinel position by her side, Lena feverishly scribbled into a smiley face notebook Mr. Huang had thrust at her before she left for the office. By the time she got on the plane a year later, she would have 7 of these notebooks, lovingly held together by rubber bands and spite. They contained the schemes that would give her the ability to dream once again.

But on that day, as filing cabinets were flung around and her brother’s awards smashed, Lena laid the groundwork.

Her first big goal was to kick Lillian off the board, literally, if need be, preferably while wearing really pointy boots. But for this to be done, Lena needed to acquire two things: majority of the company shares and majority vote from the rest of the board. The former she had gotten when all Lex’s shares went to her.

The latter she plotted carefully with Jess, who acted as her eyes and ears, profiling and stalking potential board members to bribe. It was easier than either of them expected, and also provided them enough information on other members they should fire.

The evening Lillian was escorted out of the building, along with several other Lex apologists, was celebrated quietly with coffee and nian gao, as she rung in the Chinese New Year with Jess and her family.

Her second step was to get rid of all Lex’s secret labs and reassess the employees working at those locations. Sam, who Lena was not-so-secretly grooming for the newly vacant CFO position, took point on this. Employees were fired or reassigned accordingly, with Lex’s “Cadmus” labs shut down. Lena scoffed at the name. _Cadmus_ , the epic Grecian hero who slayed the serpent, meaning “one who excels.”

All Lex had excelled at was leaving her in this shithole to face the music.

She started filling vacant seats on the board with people the city could depend on - doctors, teachers, humanitarians. And if Lois wrote articles saying that it seemed like Lena was only doing this to win back the love of the common folk, so be it. It was easy to throw stones when the glass house was already broken.

Lena couldn’t possibly be hurt more than she already was, more than how hurt she felt after not seeing the contact “Loser Lane,” “Boy Scout,” or even “Loosest Lane” appear on her screen for months and months. It was _her_ company now, and if they wanted to write about it, then she’d take the free advertising.

And they had plenty to write about. Aside from filling positions, Lena made major changes to the structure of the company and the organization of its departments. Weapons manufacturing contracts would be fulfilled, but then not renewed as she made gradual changes to shut down those departments. Two notebooks, alone, were spent on how to divide all those workers into places they would be satisfied.

If she could help it, no one else would suffer because of her blood. So she created a new R&D division, expanded Luthor Medical, and invested in a smaller auto company Sam found that would be willing to sign off on absorbing her workers for the same salary and benefits, in exchange for Luthor stock.

But no matter how many fundraisers she threw to raise money for alien orphanages or hospitals, no matter how many times her praise for Superman was quoted, no matter how fast their financial capital had bounced back because of their new departments, LuthorCorp was still just barely tolerable in the eyes of the world.

And Lena knew that took its toll on her workers. She would stay up late at night, listening to Jack snore, knowing she would leave soon, but not even thinking of him.

Instead she poured her hours into touring around her company, checking in with people, getting her hands dirty in a way that was so distinctively _not_ Luthor, getting covered in grease in their factories or having her fingers get sliced open in the mail room, much to the postmaster’s mirth. She clinked beers with the mechanics, smirked for the board, and sneered for the papers, before dropping into bed.

She did this every day until she knew the name of every single person who worked in the Metropolis branch. Slowly, her workers were actually smiling as they came and went, heads held high. They employed ¼ of the city in some capacity, and word spreads quickly when there’s a good boss on the hot seat. But it still wasn’t perfect.

And Lena had planned for that too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lena woke up one year and two months after Lex’s murder spree, and knew it was time for the final phase of her plan to truly bring LuthorCorp back from near extinction. She needed to go. She was a constant reminder of her brother to a city that still felt betrayed by their once favorite son.

(It did not matter that Lena had already wanted to leave, had wanted to leave for a year and two months).

Wanting to and needing to are two different things.

Final step, move the headquarters to National City.

There were a few sub-steps to this of course: break up with Jack, be in awe of Jess wanting to go with her, officially install Sam as CFO, kiss Ruby goodbye, leave Clark and Lois an angry voicemail.

Lastly, get on a plane.

And so there she sat for six hours, seven smiley-face notebooks in her carry-on, Jess talking in her sleep across the aisle. For the first time since Lex, she let herself really feel, really breathe. She let her heart break for the girl she once was, for the woman she had become, for the dreams that were hers no longer.

How did she put down all those things she had wanted for herself? Because they had been weighing on her for, she finally admitted to herself, way much longer than she could handle. What was the mantra her therapist had helped her pick?

Voltaire. _Wherever my travels may lead, paradise is where I am._

It made her laugh. Because Metropolis certainly hadn’t been paradise for her, as of late.

But she was _good_ at her job, to no one’s surprise, but her own. If paradise couldn’t be the life she dreamed for herself, then at least this paradise could be her succeeding at the dream that was dropped on top of her.

She boxed her breathing…

And then she let go, shoving all that weight into a tiny box in her mind.

Her face was wet with tears before she even realized it, and for the first time since that horrible day, Lena Luthor cried as she shut the door on the most traumatic year of her life.

When she got off the plane and took a deep breath of the salty California air, a grumpy and rumpled Jess beside her, Lena felt lighter.

A year, two months, and one day lighter.

She stared out the window of their sleek, black Lincoln town car looking out at the Pacific as Jess reviewed the itinerary for the week, part of her brain filing away the important details, while the other part wandered.

The water gave way to endless highways and cliff sides before they found themselves back down at the coast again. Laid before them shining and bright was National City. Lena gazed up at the buildings as they reflected light in a way she felt Luthor Tower back home never did.

_Paradise is where I am._

Lena smiled. It wasn’t a wholesome smile, not by a longshot. She was still feeling empty, still disappointed, still heartbroken. But maybe, just maybe, one day she would feel safe enough to start dreaming again. And it was nice to have that hope.

~~~~~~~~~~

It took three months for her and Jess to get the offices in National City up and running in any real capacity.

LuthorCorp had always maintained a rather small presence in this northern West Coast city; too busy focusing on expanding in financial capitols like New York, London, or Dubai. But an American presence was an important part of the empire her father had fostered and rather than shuttering small branches, Lena sought to expand them all. This particular branch was chosen because it was the furthest she could get from Metropolis without leaving the country.

It was also the only other branch by the ocean, which had been the one constant in all the places she had lived. But perhaps most importantly, at least to the press, it was the only other city, aside from her hometown, that had its very own Super. Lena decided that if she wanted to prove herself, she’d do it under the eye of someone she knew would probably be the biggest critic. Her brother did try to kill the woman’s cousin, after all.

They hit the ground running.

Lena saw the new skyscraper she had bought out before she’d even seen her new apartment. It was a decent size, not the tallest building in the city, but also not an insignificant one by any degree. Not all floors were dedicated to LuthorCorp. Lena continued renting to the previous companies whose offices made up the majority of the middle floors, at a reduced rent, of course - she had to start getting in good with the locals. Her company monopolized the central lobby for press conferences and appearances, and the top ten floors were exclusively for the more corporate side of their business.

The real reason Lena had bought this specific building had more to do with the fun parts of the job. Well, at least what Lena found to be the fun parts? The first five floors housed the labs and below, 5 more subterranean levels were home to their more chaotic and hush-hush experiments in the name of helping the world.

If she could, Lena would spend all her days down there, at home in the equations and the tinkering, being able to really feel like she was doing some good.

Some employees transferred in from the larger American branches, eager to start again somewhere new. The biggest influx, of course, came from Metropolis, and those workers Lena trusted the most after the vetting she had done of that branch over the last year.

But for the most part, the company grew through the employment of National City’s own residents, who were lured in by good benefits, matched salaries, and the strict non-discrimination policies Lena enforced in the hiring process and in the company. You were hired or rejected on your own merit, not your home planet or your race or sexuality.

That first variable, though, was something Lena kept on the down-low.

She hadn’t foreseen the possibility of aliens actually wanting to work for a Luthor, the name practically being synonymous with xenophobia. But life has a funny way of surprising her when she least expects.

Two months in and one day she found Jess pacing around her office at 5AM. It would be a gross misnomer to call her friend _just_ an Executive Assistant, but Jess insisted that the misleading title allowed her to do some of her best work. No one expected a person in her position to actually be a corporate mastermind, and that’s the way Jess liked it. So while the nameplate on the desk said one thing, the salary Lena forced her to accept said something completely different.

Jess, of course, did not go down easy.

“You don’t have to pay me for corporate espionage, Lena. I just consider that a fun bonus to the job!”

But she was worn down in the last 3 months, maybe because Lena let her get away with buying ridiculously expensive lunches. Jess later will admit that she did it to spite Lena at first, but after days of her boss showing no reaction, she simply was too hooked on the fine dining to stop. C’est la vie, as they say.

So with the salary argument settled, what else could have had Jess pacing like that? What could have Lena’s unshakeable right hand so frazzled?

Jess glanced up, finally noticing Lena standing in the doorway. She took one look at her boss’ face and rolled her eyes. “Don’t look so worried Lee, we both know _you’re_ the one prone to dramatics.”

Lena restrained herself from huffing at that remark, if only to try and prove her friend wrong. Jess’ smirk tells her that her efforts to seem aloof failed. “Then what has you pacing in my office before sunrise.” She gestured to the floor to ceiling windows that looked out across the city, the first orangey hues of sunrise barely peaking over the horizon.

Jess sighed, but relaxed from her tense stance. “Well, I met someone.”

At Lena’s raised eyebrow and smirk, Jess rushed to continue, “Met someone who would be the perfect fit for head of our PR department.” 

Lena shrugged, “Then what’s the big deal. Set up an interview with the rest of the department heads and then if they approve, set up the interview with me. Hardly anything to get all worked up about.” Lena continued to her desk and threw down her purse, and then herself into her stupidly expensive desk chair, custom made with lumbar support so she didn’t die from her 80-hour work weeks.

“She’s a [Roltikkon](https://arrow.fandom.com/wiki/Roltikkons),” Jess blurts out, eyes hard, but hands twisted together nervously.

Lena pauses, her coffee cup halfway to her lips. She may not be an obsessive psychopath like her brother, but she’s done her research. “Please tell me that’s some sort of new cult and not an alien race.”

“Oh, but Lena I promised never to lie to you,” Jess says somewhat glumly, somewhat sarcastically, moving to slump into one of the black leather chairs in front of Lena’s desk.

That’s when she told Lena about Darla.

“Yes, Darla, and no Lena, do not say that’s a stripper name!”

They had a pretty unassuming first meeting, when the alien woman was dropping off one of their lunch orders from a restaurant she delivered for downtown. Jess may or may not have flirted a bit, and that flirting may have led to an evening of dancing and dining.

By the end of their first week together, Jess knew 3 things: Darla had a big attitude tempered by a great sense of humor; she was wicked smart and would be an excellent choice in PR; and she was totally an alien. And by the end of their second week together, Jess confronted the woman about her other worldly roots, because she found it a bit too odd that every time they kissed, and well, did anything other than that, Darla found out something new about her, something she had only said inside her own Jess head.

“Are you saying she can read your mind when she makes out with you? Oh my God, how many company secrets does she know?” Lena shrieked in mild disgust.

“No, not just making out, but like just whenever and wherever her tongue is on me, and like…” Jess cuts herself off, her blush not doing much for her complexion or her struggling grasp of dignity.

Lena couldn’t help it. She burst out laughing. This was ridiculous. Her life was ridiculous. Her best friend was dating a horny mind reading alien, who would probably end up working for what most of the world thought was an alien-hating company.

“Put her through the paces, just like anyone else. She has to apply on her own and go into the pool and get vetted. I can’t think of a greater ‘Fuck You” to Lex than hiring some aliens, so I hope she makes it to the final round of applicants.”

It was good to laugh, really laugh. But Jess’ tight hug as she flung herself over Lena’s desk and into her lap was even better. A part of Lena wondered what Supergirl would say about this, but as the Super had yet to confront Lena in any fashion, the CEO put it out of mind.

The blonde alien was hired a week later, and Jess was right, she was just what the department needed. Apparently she had a degree in corporate communication and management back home, with several years of experience. It took Darla and Lena a few hours to translate all the foreign documents for the advisory department, but Lex’s alien database proved to be good for something other than murderous plots, and Darla’s multilingual talents were no joke.

And Lena, admittedly, liked Darla’s laidback sass. It matched Jess’ intensity in such a hilarious way. She was happy her company could save Darla from having to work various delivery shifts and from the bar she tended on the shady East Side in the evenings.

Hiring an alien also felt like a personal milestone to Lena, and not just one for LuthorCorp or for the world.

At one point, LuthorCorp had been the leader in progressive hiring policies - her father had made sure of that. So on the day she officially welcomed Darla into her company, Lena leaned out over her office balcony and raised a glass of scotch to the sky. “I’ll stick it to him, to them all, just for you Dad.” Lionel Luthor always did love a little bit of hell-raising.

By the time the company was running smoothly, it was as if National City had always been LuthorCorp’s home. They kept to themselves, barely making a splash in the local papers, and Lena was happy the chaotic media was kept to a minimum. She was even happier that three other aliens had successfully joined her workforce, and that her other employees had been nothing but welcoming.

Not even the board, both its oldest or newest members, seemed upset by this diversifying of the work force. Maybe the world was finally catching up to her views.

Maybe they had seen how she cleaned house in Metropolis and knew to stay out of her line of fire.

Either way, Lena would take the win where she could find it.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

On a side-note, it was also around this time that Lena met Maggie Sawyer.

The NCPD Detective and the CEO would have never met if it weren’t for Darla. Apparently the alien and Maggie had had a rather educational, if short-lived relationship, with the Latina helping the Roltikkon learn English, Spanish, and also, a surprising amount of laws and police procedures. They’d had a nasty break-up after only two weeks of dating and a week later, Darla met Jess.

Most of the animosity the blonde had for Maggie disappeared with that, and she introduced them all to each other at the shady bar she used to work in.

Which was an alien bar.

Jess had left that out when she dragged Lena along the first time. Lena was pretty pissed, she hadn’t wanted to infringe on anyone’s safe space. Her worry wasn’t misplaced either; she was confronted only five minutes after sitting down at one of the sticky booths. Lena, after all this time, had learned to block out whatever vitriol people spewed at her with a blank face, but the moment the humanoid male put his hands on her, she fought back. Jess had already leapt out of her seat to try and claw the guy off her.

But a pool cue breaking over his head had him down for the count a second later.

When Lena looked up from where she had been pushed, a Latina woman was standing there with the other half of the cue, dimples out in full force as she held a hand out to pull Lena up. Lena will admit, for a second, she was pretty taken with the leather jacket-wearing lesbian, because she may have been a bit shocked, but she still knew a fellow queer person when she saw one.

She also knew a hot woman when she saw one.

Maggie helped them back into their booth, Darla already fussing over Jess when she realized what had happened while she’d been having a smoke outside. After making sure her girlfriend and friend were suitably looked after, she had turned to Maggie with a raised brow.

“Always gotta be the knight in shining leather, Sawyer?”

Maggie shrugged, handing a twenty to the bartender (M’gann, Lena will later learn) who had come over to scold her for the broken cue.

“Someone’s gotta do it. ¿Así que por qué yo no? Especially for the little Luthor. Especially here.” She said this loudly, and sternly, glaring around the bar and making eye contact with anyone who remotely looked at them. She put her hands on her waist, allowing everyone to see the gleaming badge clipped there. It was a warning, and not an empty one. It would take three more trips to the bar with Maggie there for everyone to get the picture.

But in that moment, Lena felt buoyed by the confidence in Maggie’s posture as Darla introduced them all to each other.

“I’m not much for the whole damsel in distress shtick. But thanks for the save.” Lena held out her hand and received a firm shake from the cop.

“No problema, how about you buy me a drink and we call it even?” Maggie asked, her big brown eyes giving Lena a quick once-over, smirking as she finally reached Lena’s green ones. Maggie was cute, and the whole protective thing was totally sexy, but Lena honestly, had other shit to worry about. She also didn’t feel like she wanted to waste a potential friendship for a one-night stand.

“I’ll buy you the drink you’ve earned. But let’s be clear, that’s it. I could use another friend in town, and I think we could make that work instead.”

Darla snorted at Lena’s brush off of her ex, but Maggie took it in stride, sitting in the booth next to Lena and waving M’gann over from the bar.

“Just as long as you know that being my friend means you’re getting a real pain in the ass. Una loca. I am a fucking mess of a person,” she said with a laugh that reached her eyes. From across the table Darla lifted her glass to that.

Somehow, Lena did not doubt this. But as Maggie threw a casual arm over her shoulder to whisper an embarrassing story about Darla, and the couple across from them got lost in their own world, Lena could not care less.

She felt like maybe this was the kind of family she deserved all along, and it wasn’t wishful thinking, or hopeful dreaming. It was a reality.

~~~~~~~~~~~

It took five months for Lena to wake up in her new place, and _not_ be confused about where she was. Jess or Sam would say that was because she slept more at the office than in her actual apartment, but Lena has learned to ignore their nagging.

And “apartment” was a bit of an understatement; she had the top floor all to herself because she was a billionaire and she felt like it, as childish at that sounds. But it was the top floor of a small apartment complex, five blocks from the beach, and in the heart of Chinatown.

The building housed mostly middle-class Asian-American and Latinx-American families, and if they batted an eye at the extra security in their lobby and around their building, they chalked it up to the super trying to kiss up to whoever bought out the building five or six months ago. They didn’t need to know that that owner was Lena, or that she even lived there.

It was a good location, close to the water, and to Jess, who lived in the other apartment building Lena had bought out, only a 15 minute walk away, closer to the city center. Maggie, although Lena hadn’t known it when she bought the places, lived right down the block.

Rumors floated around about where National City’s newest CEO laid her head down to rest, but they went unsubstantiated - Lena was like a ghost, leaving her place before most woke and returning well after bedtime those first four months, that is, if she left LuthorCorp at all.

The futon in her office really was quite deceiving with its minimalist/professional aesthetic. Darla would probably not take too kindly to learning how Jess and Lena spent night after night curled up on the pullout after killer days, heels still on and using each other as pillows.

After the third month, things had evened out enough that Lena could focus on decorating the apartment and making it feel more like her place. She took one weekend with Jess, Darla, and Maggie, finally unpacking all of Jess’ boxes one day and then Lena’s the next. It was tedious work, but the most fun Lena ever had unpacking anything.

By Sunday night she had inhaled a total of 11 pizza slices, 3 bottles of orange soda, 1, only 1 quinoa salad, and 2.5 boxes of Snow Caps. The other half, unfortunately, was lost to the floor when Darla told a lurid joke that caused Lena’s body to convulse in laughter, candy flying everywhere as she flung her arm in an attempt to cover her snorting.

But the result of all the junk food and all the good company was a comfy apartment with her nerdy knickknacks on the shelves, her favorite mugs made by Ruby (3, one for every year Lena had been her “aunt”) waiting in the lowest cabinet for coffee in the mornings, and her PS4 hooked up and connected to an old Star Wars video game she downloaded ages ago.

Empty frames on the walls had been filled with old pictures, but with obvious gaps. There were the two pictures Lena had of her mom, both grainy, but dear to her heart. One of them outside their little cottage, similar looks, especially bright smiles, leaving no doubt of their connection. The other just showing their backs as they ran towards the ocean spray.

There was a picture of her and Lionel from when she was 15, all awkward limbs, bright cheeks, and a shy smile. Her father’s hand clasped her shoulder, his 3-piece suit unusually rumpled. A dirty soccer ball is at their feet as they stand on one of the lawns of Luthor Manor. Lillian had blown a gasket right after Lex had taken that picture, but it was one of the few purely happy moments she had at that place.

Or at least, one of the few ones she could display at this moment in time. Lex was too toxic for her right now to even have a younger, sweeter him on her walls. That was it for family pictures.

Friends, in such an odd twist, appeared in the other frames.

Her and Jack’s team in their shitty garage lab, all dressed up like mad scientists for Halloween.

The Huangs at the grand re-opening of their store as she cut the red ribbon to let people in.

A drunken selfie with Jess that had been printed when they realized it was their first picture, just them. A matching one hung in Jess’ place.

The most recent picture was another selfie, this time with the new “squad” (Darla insisted on calling them that). It was taken, ironically enough, in Maggie’s squad car. They had stopped by when the cop had pulled yet another evening shift (did Supergirl know that alien-related crimes were going up, lately?), and ate fast food in her cramped car. Big Belly Burger wrappers were all over their laps, Darla and Jess in the backseat, making faces with fries hanging out of their mouths, and Lena and Maggie trying to look as serious as two people can while drinking from super-sized soda cups.

Then a picture of Sam, Ruby, and her doing a Charlie’s Angels pose in Lena’s Metropolis office when the girl came for lunch.

Lastly, and perhaps the most painful, her sandwiched between Lois and Clark at her MIT graduation. Lois, always the obnoxious one, was blowing a kazoo, while Clark had confetti clogging his thick glasses frames. When Lena looked at that picture, she could pretend they hadn’t abandoned her, pretend they had ever loved her at all.

But despite the unanswered voicemail, and the lack of calls, Lena couldn’t keep this picture boxed like she had with all of Lex’s. She wonders if they blame themselves the way she does. She wonders if her picture is still on their mantle, a different one from Lex’s 30th birthday party.

Despite everything that’s happened, she thinks it does.

Even with the squad and the company’s success, Lena was sometimes more lonely than ever. Jess may be her best friend, Darla her real-talk girlfriend, and Maggie her drinking buddy.

But the part of her heart that had belonged to those three people she lost that day? The part that let someone know her completely and let her depend on them? That remained firmly closed to anyone else. And anytime she saw a hint of red-blue blur overhead or zooming past her window while she worked, Lena’s resolve hardened even more.

Their picture stayed.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Lena’s newest goal was to rename LuthorCorp to L-Corp.

The idea hit her so hard that she had to step out of the meeting she had been observing just to mentally slap herself in the face.

She face-timed with Sam about it, flew back to Metropolis for a weekend to shop it around the board (ignoring the heartache she felt seeing the Daily Planet building as her town car passed by it twice), and then came back to plot with her co-conspirator. Jess, of course, teased Lena about going on an ego trip.

“Why don’t you just admit you’re naming it after yourself? LenaCorp? L-Corp? Why not JessCorp or Huang? Dad would forgive you for not visiting them when you popped back home if you did that?” Lena knew Jess was only joking with that last one, but she had a gift basket sent to the Huangs anyways with an apology.

L-Corp was so fresh and so clean, a blank slate, just like how Lena had wanted when she moved to National City. She knew that some people would see it as an ego trip, and she was fine with letting them think that.

What mattered was that her board understood the distancing to be a good plan, and Darla had already had the marketing department test the new name with consumers, their own employees, and international partners. Without these positive outlooks, Lena would never risk changing the company’s name, even if it would be a cathartic experience for her, personally.

This became her raison d’etre, her mission impossible (Yes, she knew that sounded stupid, but it sounded cool in her head). She might even have called it her dream if she still believed in dreaming.

So it was easy for her to cancel on that Venture enterprise. She had only been invited because of her name, not because of her company’s support of space travel, and her own merit as a scientist. She had only accepted because Maggie had wanted to go as her plus one. (“SPACE Lena! When else would I ever get to shoot myself into space on this shitty government salary?”)

But when an important meeting came up regarding some copyright issues about the name change, Lena had to cancel on Maggie, not knowing when she’d get out of her conference calls. She told the Latina to go alone, but Maggie, loyal like a German shepherd, said that half the fun would have been getting to nerd out with Lena about it.

Instead, she spent her day off lounging on the futon in Lena’s office as the businesswoman fielded several calls with her lawyers and then had a video-chat meeting with the board.

By the end of the day, Maggie could successfully shoot crumpled paper balls from the couch all the through the office door she had propped open. Right into Jess’ head at her own desk. And Jess proved she had a scary accuracy when throwing pens at people. Maggie swore she was almost blinded.

With those two’s antics on full display and the stressful meetings all day, Lena was glad that she didn’t have to get all dressed up to go to some posh event after, even if they were going to shoot her into space, and away from most of the human race who had been pissing her off for the last 2 years.

But when she finally kicked off her heels and un-muted the TV in her office that had been playing the news all day, Jess, Darla, and Maggie all sprawled throughout the room, she knew her day wasn’t over yet. They all watched as the news anchors covered the Venture’s tragic launch, and then the epic save by the Supers. Lena absently noted that it was the first time the two had worked together, and wondered why that was. Trouble in super-family paradise?

The thought was gone in a second, though, as her phone buzzed with a new text message. Lena unlocked her phone and froze after reading the contact. From “Loser Lane,” one phrase was sent: “Incoming, kiddo.”

Well, so much for Lena’s day being done.

~~~~~~~~~~~

Lena Luthor and Lois Lane had always gotten along.

“Like a house on fire,” Lois would always say, ruffling Lena’s hair. It may have been that they both knew what it was like being a woman in a man’s world. It may have been that the two were always stuck together when Lex and Clark would get lost in their bromance. “Honey, if I have to hear Clark tell me about how brilliant your brother is one more time, I am going to make you an only child.”

So yeah, they’d always had their own special bond, going to bars together, kicking ass at video game nights, and making fun of reality TV over the phone. They bemoaned the mixed feelings of love and resentment they felt towards their siblings - Lillian only ever praised Lex, General Lane had more of a soft spot for Lucy.

Lena had looked up to her when she was a teenager, cherished her friendship as an adult, but now the reporter was more stranger than friend.

_Incoming?_

Lena pondered what that message meant long into the night as she and Jess, with Maggie’s expertise, collected all the necessary evidence for an ironclad alibi. Lena and Jess knew Lena’s last minute cancellation was now a red flag after the failed launch, especially since the part that exploded had been made by one of the companies Sam had bought out earlier in the year.

Jess left in the early hours of the morning to go home and refresh. Maggie stayed with Lena, forcing her to nap on the futon. Not much later, Maggie’s coworkers came calling, right when business hours opened. If the surly detective standing with her arms crossed in the CEO’s office surprised them, they said nothing of it, just giving her a nod.

After a few questions, they collected the security footage proving Lena’s whereabouts over the last week, along with the itinerary she had followed. All her movements over the last month could be accounted for, and if the cops wanted to find a reason to arrest her, they would be hard-pressed. She also handed over one of the two flash drives they had worked on overnight, waking up Sam, who woke up her assistant and anyone else who could help them track down any leads about the faulty oscillator.

With a standard, yet polite, “Don’t leave town until our investigation is done,” the officers thanked her and left, along with Maggie, who was going to be giving her statement back at the station. She gave Lena a hug and with a peace sign flipped at Jess, she ran to catch up with her coworkers.

As the elevators doors closed on the cops, Lena slouched in her desk chair and pinched her nose, breathing out a slow sigh. She was touched Maggie was vouching for her, but she just needed a break. A clack of heels made her look up to find Jess, freshly showered and dressed for the day, walking in with a carton of coffee cups, soon followed by Darla who had a clothes bag thrown over her shoulder. Both gave small smiles. Jess set the coffee down and reached out to put a hand on Lena’s shoulder, pushing it firmly. “Shake it off, Luthor.”

Lena did.

She put it all behind her and moved forward with her day. Darla and her team released a statement from the company sending their sympathies to all those affected by the accident and their willingness to lend a hand in the clean-up and repair. Maggie texted Lena a thumbs-up emoji around lunchtime, so she figured the police found nothing, because there was nothing. Lois’ text remained without a reply, and Lena focused on good things instead.

Like planning the re-naming ceremony for tomorrow. That was what deserved her attention right now. She met with marketing about where she should do it, and talked with PR about what outlets she should invite. The Daily Planet was one option, but that was a hard pass on Lena’s end. She agreed to make it a small press release in the park nearby, with local news crews.

Lena had just put the final touches on it all when Lois’ text finally came to fruition.

When Jess rang her, warning her that Clark Kent would be here to interview her in an hour, Lena clenched her fists. She would have preferred Lois, no matter how mad she was at both of them; she would have preferred Lois “Pitbull” Lane to her brother’s farm-grown best friend. And she’s sure Lois knew that, which is why the Planet must have stalled telling her assistant. They knew she was in no position to deny an interview right now.

Maybe it was because of his silence after all this time, maybe it was because his presence was incoming, but Lena’s heart was breaking all over again. Did he hate her? Hate her the way she thinks she sometimes hates him? Because when she thinks of him, or sees him, all she sees is Lex. And maybe when Clark sees her, that’s what he sees too.

She doesn’t even register Jess’ presence at her side; her eyes squeezed shut, until she feels the woman’s arms around her shoulders. It was an awkward hug with one of them sitting and the other crouched, but Lena was getting used to these moments of love, as odd as they were.

Jess pulled back, picked some nonexistent lint off Lena’s blazer, and whispered, “I’ll fuck him up if you want me to. I might even if you don’t.” She left Lena’s office with laughter in her wake.

Lena soon followed suit, promising she’d be back for the meeting. Instead of freaking out, Lena took a walk in the park next to the office, even getting some ice cream from one of the vendors. She sat on a bench, closed her eyes, and with the sun shining on her, pretended she was back in Ireland, if at least for a moment. By the time she came back down to Earth, she was running late.

Lena sighed. Typical. She got up, smoothed out her black skirt, straightened her red top and suit jacket, and strolled back the way she came.

They were waiting for her when she got to her floor. They, meaning Clark and a tall blonde woman who made Lena pause. Seriously, what do they put in the water here? Only Jess’s pointed look got her moving into her office. She greeted them politely, if stoically, and when Clark only mumbled out a polite greeting in return, Lena decided to jump right into it.

“There’s a perfectly good reason I wasn’t aboard the Venture yesterday,” she pushed out as she walked into her office with them following behind.

“Well that’s why we’re here,” Clark stated. Lena was glad her back was to them so they wouldn’t see her roll her eyes. Did he think he was some sort of cop?

“There was an emergency regarding planning a ceremony for tomorrow. I’m re-naming my family’s company and I had to cancel.” Not a total lie, more like a mixed truth. She did have an emergency with the re-naming, and she did have to plan the event.

Clark seemed skeptical. “Oh, lucky, ” he muttered somewhat sarcastically.

Lena scoffed at him. She could play hardball if that’s what he wanted. “Lucky is Superman saving the day.” That got his hackles rising. If they wouldn’t mention his former best friend, then she’d mention his other one.

“Not something one would expect a Luthor to say.” Oh, there’s the Clark her brother loved playing tough guy with. Now she was _just_ a Luthor? Not Littles? Not Lee?

Before they could kill each other with their glares, the blonde woman chimed in, “And Supergirl was there too!”

Lena looks away from the reporter, and can’t stop her eyes from giving the blonde another quick once-over. The white dress and pink sweater were cute, and cute usually wasn’t her type, but damn this woman was gorgeous.

She came back to herself, and remembered her manners, “And who are you exactly?”

“Um. Umm… I’m Kara Danvers. I’m not with the Daily Planet. I’m with Catco Magazine. Uh, sort of.”

Oh great, another reporter. Lena’s interest in her waned. She was tired and her patience was wearing thin. “That’s a publication not known for its hard-hitting journalism. More like, high-waisted jeans, yes or no?”

Kara’s hand came up to fiddle with her glasses as she stuttered, “Um. I’m just, I’m just tagging along today.” So Lena would probably never see her again then. Lena dismissed Kara in her mind and sat in her desk chair.

Time to get back to business.

“Right, can we just speed this interview along?” She opens her itinerary, and gives it a quick glance. She has it memorized already, but she needs a minute to collect herself. “Just ask me what you want to ask me Mr. Kent. Did I have anything to do with the Venture explosion?” Her pointed use of his last name makes Clark stiffen.

But he remains stoic, so unlike the man she knew. Flatly, he asked, “Did you?” It made Lena so mad. He was acting like he didn’t know her. As if she hasn’t seen him in his underwear when Lex and him stayed up late building model airplanes in the Manor living room. As if she hadn’t watched him fall in love with his wife, and teased him along the way.

Lena wanted to get him to show some emotion. She wanted to make him feel. And she knew the easiest way to do that was to make him feel guilty. “You wouldn’t be asking me if my last name was Smith.”

Clark sneered at her, “No, but it’s not. It’s Luthor.”

Got him.

Lena smirked and leaned back; she knew she had irked him with that one. Made his conscience twinge because he knew treating her like an enemy was wrong and unkind, and so many other things he didn’t want to think of in this moment.

“Some steel under that Kansas wheat.” Her comment had Kara look at Clark with raised brows. Did Kara not know that Clark didn’t always run around the concrete jungle of Metropolis? That once upon a time he lived in sleepy Smallville, and that his mom made the best chocolate pecan pie in the Midwest? Lena knew these things.

And it was time to remind Clark of the things he knew too.

She continued to speak, “It wasn’t always. I was adopted when I was four.” She doesn’t say that she doesn’t even know her real name, or that the one time she asked, Lillian had backhanded her so hard she fell.

“The person who made me feel most welcome in the family was Lex, made me proud to be a Luthor.” At one point, Clark had been proud too, proud to be a Luthor’s friend.

She spun her chair to look out the window as she spoke, trying to distance herself from the conversation, from what she was about to say. “And then he went on his reign of terror on Metropolis, declared war on Superman, committed unspeakable crimes… “ She trailed off a little, catching her breath. “When Superman put Lex in jail, I vowed to take back my family’s company, to rename it L-Corp, make it a force for good.”

She turned back to the reporters, but only locked eyes with Clark. If she wasn’t a Luthor, she would beg him to see her, see her like he always had.

Instead, she said “I’m just a woman trying to make a name for herself outside her family. You understand that?” She asked, earnestly, looking at Clark, who had been another brother to her. And now he didn’t even know anything about her life. She bet he couldn’t even name her best friend. She really was making a name for herself away from all that she had known or dreamt of before Lex’s insanity.

But something had shuttered in Clark’s eyes and she knew there was no point trying to appeal to him at this point. He had to mull over what she said. Her eyes dropped for a second to her desk, deflating slightly.

“Yeah. I do.”

Lena jerked her head to Kara. The woman’s blue eyes met hers earnestly. She had spoken without a stutter, without hesitation. She looked at Lena with so much understanding and empathy it struck the CEO’s soul. Only Clark clearing his throat jumpstarted her heart again. It was like being seen after spending almost the last 2 years being invisible.

Lena hopped up and walked over to one of her bookcases. “I know why you’re here. Because a subsidiary of my company made the part that exploded on the Venture. This drive contains all the information we have on the oscillator. I hope it helps you in your investigation.“ She handed them the other flash drive she had made with Jess and Maggie the night before. She let him say thanks, but couldn’t help making a parting shot.

“Give me a chance Mr. Kent. I’m here for a fresh start. Let me have one.” Finally, finally, she saw the Clark she knew under the fake smile he pasted on his face. It didn’t reach his eyes. He knew what her words meant - “You left me, I don’t forgive you, so fuck off.” He said his goodbyes and was gone in a flash. Good riddance.

Lena turned to Kara, expecting a fumbling exit, but was instead met with steely blue eyes, the notepad the blonde used clutched tightly in one had. “I’m sorry about that. I’m not a reporter, but that seemed a bit unprofessional of him. I mean he practically accused you! For no other reason than your last name! And I’m sorry I didn’t say anything to stop him, but I’m no one, so I just, um, said nothing. He’s wrong though, Clark, that is. You’re Lena, not just Luthor and everyone deserves a chance.”

It all came out in a ramble, and by the end of it the woman was blushing and Lena was utterly charmed.

She moved closer to Kara and waited for the woman to meet her eyes. “First of all, you’re not no one, and don’t let anyone make you believe that.” Kara’s blush deepened, and Lena smiled warmly when Kara finally nodded. “Secondly, I don’t need you to defend me from Clark Kent. I’ve known him since I was a kid and I just can’t be intimidated by a man I’ve seen dressed in matching holiday footie pajamas with my idiot brother.”

This made Kara laugh. “Yeah, I think I remember getting that Christmas card one year!” At Lena’s quizzical look, Kara elaborated, stuffing her notepad into her bag, one hand coming to rub at her neck. “Uhh, I’m Clark’s cousin. Kara. Oh geez, well you knew my name alrea--”

Lena cut her off, curiosity getting the better of her, “You’re the little blonde girl in the picture with Clark. The one with the ocean behind you guys?” She doesn’t mention that she’d only seen that picture in Clark’s room because she’d been helping him hide Lois’ engagement ring.

Kara’s eyes lit up. “He still has that picture? It was taken back at home in Midvale, that’s up north of Metropolis. It’s one of the only pictures me and Clark have together, actually. We, um, we don’t see each other very much. I’m kind of the odd one out.” At this, the blonde’s eyes dimmed.

This information had Lena in a daze. Clark had only mentioned his cousin a couple times in passing. She knew they weren’t close, but she had never questioned why or even asked about the mysterious girl. From the way Clark and Kara had still seemed unsure around each other, Lena guessed she probably knew the man better than his own flesh and blood. She felt an irrational swell of annoyance towards Clark. Why wouldn’t anyone want to spend time with this woman? She voiced her opinion.

“That’s his loss then. You seem to be quite kind, at least compared to his behavior today.” Good, Lena thought, that was smooth and not at all unprofessional.

“And you definitely were the one to inherit all the good looks.”

Oh God, she was an idiot. Why did she say that? Kara’s jaw had dropped, her cheeks even redder than before. If Lena had a mirror, she knew her face probably matched her lipstick at this point.

There was an awkward moment of silence before Kara laughed, covering her mouth bashfully. Lena, despite her mortification, was alive enough to revel in the sound.

“I am so sorry that was unprofessional. Please forgive my lapse in decorum,” she pleaded, eyes wide and ready for this moment to be over.

Kara put her arms behind her back, swaying a bit, her dress moving with her. She seemed to gather herself for a moment before nodding and meeting Lena’s eyes with determination. Once again, Lena felt like she had been stripped bare, like she was finally being seen. “I will most definitely forgive you. But only if you go to dinner with me.”

This time Lena was the one whose jaw dropped. The blonde seemed to have some steel of her own, in a way that so contrasted her sweet demeanor.

Kara’s smile remained in place, but after a few seconds of silence she tried to backtrack, “No! Wait! I forgive you, ah, don’t wor--“ As she stumbled through her words, Lena blindly reached for the stack of business cards on her desk, knocking over her pen holder in the process.

Maybe she was going crazy; maybe she was taking this as a sign (she could blame Maggie for that romantic nonsense). But there was just something about Kara Danvers, something she had to get more of.

She quickly grabbed one of the rolling pens and scribbled her personal cell number onto it, the number only 3 people (well 4, if you count Clark right now) in National City had. She turned back to Kara who was still sputtering in panic and thrust it at her. “Okay, call me. I’ll be there.”

Kara hesitated from grabbing it. “Really? But I’m just, I’m just an assistant and you’re like this big CEO.” Kara gestured around Lena’s modern office and high-rise views.

“No. Like you said, I’m just Lena and you’re just Kara. And I’m saying yes because I want to. After all, everyone deserves a chance.”

Okay, so throwing the blonde’s words back at her was kind of cheesy, but the other woman was smiling. She looked at Lena with awe, mumbling under her breath, “Just Kara,” with an odd sort of happiness.

Kara gently pulled the card from Lena’s hand and the CEO watched as she opened her purse, pulled out her wallet, and carefully tucked it inside as if it was more precious than gold.

She looked back up at Lena after it was stowed away and beamed. “It was nice to meet you Miss Luthor. You’ll be hearing from me soon. I promise.” The last part was said in a whisper as she grasped Lena’s hand in more of a caress than a handshake. Lena’s brain short-circuited at that slick move, so she simply nodded and watched the blonde head to the door.

At the last second, the assistant poked her head back through the doorway to find Lena still looking her way. She blushed at the intensity of the gaze, but gave a lopsided grin. “And just for the record, I think you also inherited all the good looks.”

It was silly and flirty, but it made Lena laugh in the way she had been laughing more often, freely and happily. Kara laughed as well as she continued out the door, saying goodbye to Jess.

When Jess walked in only moments later, she found her boss rocking back and forth in her desk chair, smiling, eyes scrunched up in happiness as she gazed off into space. If Jess didn’t know any better, she would say Lena was lovesick.

But what she didn’t know was that it was much worse than that.

It was a Saturday, 3 in the afternoon, and a little over 18 months after the worst day of her life, Lena Luthor was letting herself dream again.


	2. Chapter 2 - Kara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara Zor-El spends her whole life not letting anyone see who she really is. But some people still end up seeing her better than she sees herself. Part 1.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ages when Kara lands:  
> Clark, Lois, Lex: 24  
> James: 16  
> Alex, Lucy: 14  
> Kara, Winn, Kelly: 13  
> Lena: 11
> 
> Ages when Lex rampages in Metropolis  
> Clark, Lois, Lex: 35  
> James: 27  
> Alex, Lucy: 25  
> Kara, Winn, Kelly, Sam: 24  
> Lena: 22  
> Ruby: 11
> 
> Ages by the time the story reaches present day National City  
> Clark, Lois, Lex: 37  
> James, Maggie: 29  
> Alex, Lucy: 27  
> Kara, Winn, Kelly, Sam: 26  
> Lena: 24  
> Ruby: 13

Chapter 2

_Don't you want to go for a ride  
Now to the other side  
Feels so good you could cry  
Now won't you do what I told you_

~~ _~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

Contrary to popular opinion, Kara is not a moron. She could do complex mathematical computations in the blink of an eye, the math on Earth so pedestrian it caused her to lose it in high school more than a few times. She could whip up the cures to several common Kryptonian illnesses, if only she had the right ingredients. And she could speak more languages than she liked to think about (because half of them no longer existed, and, Rao, did she hate to think of why). If she stumbled through colloquialisms, metaphors, and history, it was because she had to parse through her brain to find the right ones that fit _this_ planet, not the nine others she had visited with her parents. That took time, and that time made people think she wasn’t smart. Kara didn’t do much to dissuade that. The Danvers, and eventually Alex, knew who she really was, and that was good enough.

They knew she had never been an average student because she was dumb. She had been an average student because she was bored (and also because she didn’t need more attention for being a freaky genius, as well as an orphan). She had been a member of one of the most prestigious and honorable houses of Krypton, and the youngest member ever accepted to the Science Guild. But when she got to Earth, she was no one. She wasn’t even Kal-El’s cousin. She was _Clark’s_. And even that was a stretch.

She didn’t need to know the man well to understand why he didn’t want her around. And despite his excuses for his absence, the proof was in the fact that from the ages of 13-26, she only saw him 9 times. The rest of their communication was through phone calls, then email, then text, maybe once every other week. He wasn’t at her high school graduation or her college one. She hadn’t played a special role at his wedding (he hadn’t even asked her about any Kryptonian traditions), and when he put a ring on Lois’ finger and not a bracelet, Kara closed her eyes in pain.

So no, Kara Zor-El wasn’t stupid.

She knew who Lena Luthor was long before the woman’s brother tried to kill Kal-El.

Everyone knew who the Luthors were, they were one of the richest families in America. The savvy businessman Lionel, his medical genius wife Lillian, their charming and charismatic son Lex, and lastly, their beautiful, brilliant daughter Lena. Kara had seen their pictures splashed on newspapers and magazines throughout the years. But she also saw them in other places, places she had wished she was when she was stuck in Midvale trying to “be normal.”

Clark used to tell her all about the Luthors. By the time she landed on this planet, Clark and Lex had been best friends. They had been roommates at Met U, of all places, a university Clark chose because he wanted to try city life, and Lex picked as an act of rebellion against his parents. By the time Kara arrived, Clark had been Superman for 2 years, but had been Lex Luthor’s friend for 6. The prematurely bald man had appeared in many of Clark’s tales, although her cousin kept his identity from Lex. Kara never understood how he could do that to his closest confidant.

But along with Lex stories over the years, Kara had also heard Lena ones. Lena, 2 years younger than her, but actually allowed to let her brilliance shine, graduating from her boarding school early and receiving admission to MIT at 16, graduating with two doctorates by the age of 21. Clark mentioned her in passing from time to time, seeing her around the Manor and the city when she was home from school.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kara is big enough to admit she was kind of jealous of Lena when they were teenagers. It wasn’t really a rational feeling, but here was this girl who got to be the things Kara dreamed she could be - herself. It didn’t help that Kara never even met her, because if she had, maybe she could have found some flaw in Lena, some crack in her seemingly perfect life that may prove they were more kindred spirits than opposites. Maybe Lena felt left out like Kara did, moving quietly behind the force of her older brother’s shining star? Maybe she was trying to prove herself, too? Trying to fit in when everything was “Clark and Lex” and then “Clark and Lois and Lex.” Kara couldn’t say for sure.

She thought she would meet Lena when she was 17, fresh off her first plane ride ever, from Midvale to Smallville for Clark’s wedding to a woman she had only met once before. But, “Ace,” as Lex called her, “Littles,” if you asked Clark, was stuck at her boarding school on Lillian’s orders. The black-haired teen still was mentioned in Lex’s best man speech, as he praised the couple for being such good people, for being two more older siblings to his little sister. Kara’s heart burned in indignation. Lena got to have another brother in Clark, who wasn’t even her blood relative, but Kara barely got a cousin. It wasn’t fair, and the blonde was relieved when it was time to go home, even if getting hit on by Lucy Lane was a nice bonus to the evening.

The second time Kara thought she would meet Lena was when she was 22. She had just graduated from NCU, and made a stop-over in Metropolis while on her way to Europe. Alex and her were going on a post-grad back-packing trip, and when he heard they were going to pass through for a connecting flight, Clark had invited them to extend their time in the city and stay with him. Neither Danvers jumped at the offer, but Kara couldn’t help but think that maybe this time would be different, maybe that he’d want something to do with her now that she was a real adult in his eyes (as if she wasn’t 13 years older than him).

The sisters stayed with the Kents for 3 days at their apartment at 1938 Sullivan Lane, and it wasn’t awful. Clark was the silent type, a little awkward, but kind. Lois, thank Rao for her, was the opposite in every way, and took them to every cool thing in town, sometimes abusing her press pass to do so, much to Clark’s dismay. Lex took them on a tour of LuthorCorp, showing them his huge office (Geez that man had a lot of awards!) and telling them how he was trying to take the company in a new direction (“Weapons. That’s where the money’s at, despite my morals against war, I’m a businessman first”). She even was briefly re-introduced to Lucy, still sharp and beautiful, on leave for the weekend and spending it with “the kid,” as Lois lovingly called her favorite photographer.

It seemed that the whole Metropolis gang was around. Lena, however, wasn’t in town that weekend, even though summer vacation had just started (“She’s an overachiever, honestly, didn’t get that from us,“ Lois and Lex had commiserated). Even without the mysterious Lena Luthor there, it was fun; it was the most time she’d spent with her cousin _ever_.

But just when she felt like she was finally becoming a part of his life, she was reminded of all the ways she had never been. The pictures in their apartment were one thing that hit her hard, made her glad Lois and Lex kept them busy unless it was time to pass out on the pull-out couch after a long day out. Pictures hurt the most.

They tell a story that she was never a part of. Mr. and Mrs. Kent standing proudly with Clark at his high school graduation, the theme seeming to be plaid and flannel. Clark and Lex, already bald at 22, in their black and purple Met U robes, making peace signs at the camera. The Daily Planet trio of Clark, Lois, and the young photographer Jimmy Something. A picture that guy had snapped of Clark and Lois in the bullpen, in media res, the two having one of their fights, although Clark had heart eyes despite his crossed arms and Lois seemed two seconds away from her scowl melting into a smile, lip already twitching to laugh. The Lanes, in all their snarky glory, showing 3 identical glares at whoever was taking the picture.

Perhaps the worst pictures were ones with Lena, like the one on the mantle, reserved for the most important shots like wedding pictures and birthdays. There were a disheveled Clark and Lois, the latter looking ten levels past drunk. Behind them, a 30th Birthday banner hung, obviously handmade. In between her relatives was a black-haired girl in an MIT hoodie, laughing so hard her eyes scrunched up. Kara had done the math; Lena would have been 17, Kara 19. Kara, 19, and struggling to stay afloat, to hide and be herself at Stanhope College, while Lena was here living the life that should have been Kara’s. But at 22, Kara was better able to handle her anger than she was at 17 at the Kent wedding. She didn’t blame Lena, she just was sad.

Lois was the one who caught her staring at that photo when everyone else was asleep. She had gotten up to sneakily munch on chocolate (the doctor said she needed to cut back on sweets and Clark was a beast about it) and found the Kryptonian perched on an armchair looking up at it, Alex snoring spread-eagle on the pull-out beside her. The thing about Lois Lane? She wasn’t stupid either. She took one look at Kara’s yearning face and yanked the girl up, pushing her towards the bedroom. Kara, in shock, didn’t even yelp, and restrained her strength so as not to hurt the older woman. Lois crept into the room, dragging Kara behind her and past a sleeping Clark to the armoire on his side of the bed.

Without a word, she grabbed a frame that was sitting atop it and shoved it into Kara’s hands. Even in the relative darkness, Kara could make out the image, and it left her speechless.

It couldn’t have been taken more than a year or two after she landed. She and Clark were standing on a cliff’s side, the ocean pouring out on the beach below them. It had been the first time she had seen Clark since he had left her with the Danvers. She remembers having been an absolute nightmare for the Danvers the whole week preceding his visit, her excitement palpable. But when he got there, it was stunted and awkward. Neither knew how to try with each other.

However, the one shining part of his visit was when he took her swimming. It was spontaneous, and they had jumped in with their clothes on, splashing around and racing up and down the deserted beach (it had been a bit too cold for most people to be out). After, they had hiked back up the cliffside towards home, only to find Jeremiah waiting there with towels and a camera. That’s the picture that was in her hands. She and Clark wrapped in towels they didn’t really need, his arm thrown over her shoulder, her hair darkened and plastered to her face, both smiling like cousins should. This was the only picture she’d ever seen of just them, together.

After that day, Eliza took her swimming twice a week. It wasn’t the same, but it always reminded her of him.

“It’s one of his favorites,” Lois whispered, making Kara jump. She’d forgotten the brunette was still there. She gracefully ignored Kara’s silent tears, and gently put the photo back where it belonged. Quietly, she tugged Kara to her side of the bed and tugged her in, pushing the younger woman so she was sandwiched between her cousin and his wife. Clark blearily opened his eyes at the movement, but only smiled when he saw them, before going back to sleep. Lois wrapped an arm around her, and warm and feeling like she was finally someone again, Kara had drifted off. Lena and Lex got to have Clark, but maybe now she could too.

So when Lex Luthor went on a rampage and killed all those people in a vendetta against Superman right before her 24th birthday, Kara didn’t feel vindicated. She didn’t feel happy. She was shocked, she was stunned. She cried. It was so un-Kryptonian of her, it was so _human,_ but she couldn’t help it. She loved them and they were hurting, so she hurt too.

She cried when Lois called, out of breath, tears in her voice, “I don’t know what’s happening. I don’t why he’s doing this! Clark’s trying to save everyone, but…wait. Where is Lena? Fuck, Kara, I need to go, love you, will keep you updated.”

She cried when she watched the news and Lex, clever and witty, always laughing Lex, was taken into custody spitting and raging like a madman, Superman looking on with barely masked heartbreak. It was a good thing news cameras were much more invested in things other than Superman’s facial expressions at that moment.

She cried when Clark called her, his tears, his apologies for not saving them all, for not seeing Lex’s madness, mingling with Lois’ as they stayed on the phone; the three of them, reassuring each other that some things just happen, that no one can be everywhere at once.

Afterwards, the Kents don’t mention Lena Luthor. The only reason Kara even knows that the woman, 23 years old by this time, is still alive is because of the news coverage. Lena Luthor had hunkered down somewhere safe in Chinatown when Lex in his Lexosuit started his murder spree. Like everyone else, Kara watched the youngest Luthor testify against her brother, watched her mother slander Lena’s “betrayal.” At one point, Kara had wished she had a life like Lena’s. But now she couldn’t even fathom it, couldn’t even think of swallowing the idea of Alex betraying her in such a way. Is that how Alura felt when Astra and her Military Guild defectors planned their coup?

So she doesn’t ask Clark or Lois about Lena, and they offer no information about the Luthor in return. Kara, can’t help but think that Lex’s actions made the woman lose not just one sibling, but three.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Life goes on, though. Kara is caught up in being Cat Grant’s assistant, which should be considered an Olympic sport. She has no idea how any of the media mogul’s former assistants survived this. She has super powers and she can barely keep up with the woman’s mood swings and demands. But she loves it. She loves being needed. She loves feeling like she has a place here, even if it is just as an Executive Assistant.

She makes friends like Winn, but she keeps mostly to herself, sister nights being the pinnacle of her social calendar. She could never be like Clark, keeping someone close, but also at arm’s lengths in regards to his alien origins. Kara wouldn’t do that to herself. She wanted all or nothing, And the last person who saw all of her? He didn’t stay, she couldn’t save him, and he was back in Midvale under 6 feet of dirt. So until she found someone she could invite into all aspects of her life, who saw all of her the way Kenny did, she kept things casual. Casual friendships, casual relationships, so unlike Krypton.

There was no Matricomps here to tell her who would fit her best as a life partner. There was no birthing matrix that would make sex unnecessary here. Both those things made her teenage years quite a trip. She didn’t often date, it was hard to let go of the idea that her perfect person could have died on Krypton. It was harder not to break noses and hands by accident during a make-out session when you have super strength. And sex? It just wasn’t something she needed to survive, the way some humans craved it. Biologically, her people were advanced enough not to be controlled by something as trivial as a libido. It also just wasn’t worth the risk of hurting somebody.

She was from the Science Guild for Telle’s sake! Her people were loving, but passion was something a little too far-fetched for them. Even Aunt Astra, more prone to fits of emotion than the even-keeled Alura, was disapproving of it. She remembers her father was horrified at Kal-El’s natural conception. While that may not have effected how they treated him, the other houses did whisper about Jor-El and Lara’s _indiscretions_. No one would come out and denounce the House of El publicly, but Kara can remember how some Kandorians avoided her parents afterwards, how their looks burned as she walked around the city.

The first time she kissed a guy, she couldn’t help but think of these things, promptly breaking his nose in her distraction. The first time she had sex with a girl in college (not that anyone, not even Alex knew about that), she felt so guilty and was so focused on not hurting her, she barely went through with it. Over the years she had gotten better about the guilt part, pretending it was an experiment in human culture, not a betrayal of her own. Every intense emotion, every time she felt her parents would think she’s being _too human,_ she rationalizes it as an anthropological need to learn, one her father, at the very least, would be able to understand.

On the other hand, though, she got very good at giving during intimate moments, and if you were great at it, most partners (especially men) could overlook the fact that you didn’t want to receive. It was enjoyable for her at times, but not life changing. Most times it just felt like she was going through the motions of what was expected of her. She had tried to talk about it with Clark once, but although he shared her lowered libido, he could not understand the societal connotations, the guilt, the confusion. He was too much like them. The conversation was just mortifying and frustrating for both of them. They never spoke about it again.

So Kara didn’t really waste too much time thinking about sex. She didn’t have any deep relationships because of her secret anyways, so she had no real reason to worry about her sexual tendencies, or lack of them, and how they would affect a real relationship. Was she asexual? Demisexual? Maybe even aromantic? She doubted that last one, her parents had loved each other, and she wanted that type of love as well. But she kept that identity crisis on hold. Why worry, if it only means you’ll suffer twice?

In that aspect, she was in good company with Alex. While the redhead didn’t know all the details, she knew her sister often didn’t find much joy in the act, and neither did she. Alex’s college boyfriends always seemed to come up short, with sex and emotions just not lining up the way she was always told they would, the way the media and books and songs made it sound. And Alex Danvers was sick and tired of not getting her love song. She was almost as perpetually single as her younger sister and it didn’t bother her on most days, her time taken up by the DEO, and keeping her work from Kara.

So the Danvers sisters only let each other in, and even then, there were secrets between them. Kara kept her pansexuality to herself, and Alex lied about her real job, especially tight-lipped after Lex. It was a recipe for disaster, really, but before that pot could boil over, only a few months after the tragedy in Metropolis, Kara saved that plane from crashing.

Saved Alex.

Became Supergirl.

And life as they knew it, once again, was flipped on its head. Suddenly Kara was overwhelmed with the weight of a responsibility she didn’t know she needed. It gave her life direction again, one she hadn’t found since being accepted into her father’s guild. It was different than the satisfaction she felt working for Cat. When she was Supergirl, she was, in some small way, Kara Zor-El again.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her first year in the cape was a learning experience. She had to deal with Clark’s overbearing presence through the form of James Olsen (never Jimmy, Jimmy, was the kid reporter the Kents favored). There was attraction there for second, but she stopped it from going any further, her parents’ faces flashing when she closed her eyes to kiss him. Somehow she knew they wouldn’t approve of him. Not because Jimmy was African American, Kryptonians weren’t so obtuse. But because he didn’t complement her. Slogging away at a desk in the DEO, Lucy Lane’s heart was waiting for him. Then there was Winn, someone she could talk nerdy with, a man who had learned Kryptonian in a week, and while he couldn’t speak it, not like Alex or Kal-El could, he could write her the funniest notes in the familiar hieroglyphics. Her parents would have appreciated his mind. But unlike with James, there was no attraction there.

While neither of those relationships panned out romantically, Kara did feel the relief of finally letting two new people see her, like she had let Kenny see her all the years before. It was a frazzling experience, letting people in, but she did it, she let herself be vulnerable in the only way she could be. For the first time, it didn’t blow up in her face. It gave her hope and for the first time since she had whispered the phrase to Superman when she first saw his crest at 13, “El Mayarah” was said as a prayer, not a plea.

Even Alex’s secrets couldn’t suppress that hope. The DEO wasn’t even that bad, compared to the way Alex had first been approached by J’onn. She remembers working at Noonan’s during Alex’s med school years, trying to pay off her student loans with double shifts on the weekends. She remembers missing quite a few sister nights. Kara wasn’t there when Alex needed her most and was struggling with alcoholism, so she felt she had no right to be too upset with the redhead for making sure she was in a position to always be there for Kara.

Astra’s death (“Murder,” she heard her mother’s voice intone) was a different story. It’s betrayal.

That’s real to Kara, as real as the grief she feels every day. But Kara understands what it’s like to have split loyalties, to belong to two worlds. She could see it in Alex, the sister who belonged to her versus the daughter-figure who belonged to J’onn. It was a war and Astra was going to kill him, and Kara would never want Alex to lose another father, not for her sake. Kara could rationalize all these things, but the sting of betrayal burned deep. It was only after the incident with Red-K that she really came to terms with that feeling. She relived the awful things she said to Alex, and she thought, weirdly enough, of Lena Luthor and her mother, Alura.

Lena’s brother betrayed humanity, and in doing so, betrayed the person who loved him most. He did it for selfish reasons, out of fear and jealousy. There could be no redemption there.

Astra betrayed Kara's mother, because she knew, she had to have known that Alura’s loyalty was to the law first, family second. Alura could not betray Kandor, or Krypton, nor could she condone Astra’s violence, even when Astra’s intentions were honorable. The judicator was bound to more than just her blood. So she arrested her own sister, and the cycle of betrayal in the name of good intentions was complete.

The shades of betrayal those women experienced were different than the ones Kara had in regards to Alex. Her sister had saved the life of a man she loved, but had taken away someone Kara loved in the process. Like Lex, she betrayed Kara. But like Astra and Alura, her intentions were honorable. In the end, Kara would rather hold onto the latter thought. As a scientist at heart, why and how something occurred was more important to her than the actual occurrence. She forgave Alex, her brave and headstrong sister, and together they grieved for all the what-if’s.

All that was in the past now. _Stronger Together._

With Myriad behind them and Director Lucy Lane in charge (Rao, the Military Guild would swoon over that woman), Kara could go back to focusing on the day to day saves, her mundane job, and her pastels (“It’s not my fault you can’t full these colors off, Alex! Stop laughing at me!”). Only a month after saving the world, Kara found something much more intriguing than Mon-El’s arrival.

Lena Luthor had arrived in National City.

This wasn’t a surprise to Kara. She worked for a news outlet and occasionally kept her ears attuned to some of the 50 monitors on her floor alone. She knew when the Luthor arrived, watching her private jet touch down miles away from the city proper as she sat on her couch eating dinner. She expected some sort of text from Clark, but it was radio silence on his end. The blonde was kind of glad about that, she’d rather form her own opinion about the CEO, not that she could even picture a situation in which Lena Luthor would run into Kara Danvers. On the other hand, caution is the better part of valor, as Lucy always says. So Kara decided to get to know her city’s newest resident.

It wasn’t because she thought the 24-year-old was drop-dead gorgeous. Nope, that had nothing to do with it.

Okay, it was maybe a little bit that. But there were other things that intrigued Kara. She wanted to know the woman who had been the girl her cousin and his wife had been older siblings to. She wanted to know the woman in the pictures with a smile Kara had never seen when the news flashed clips of her, all tight suits and tight smiles. When she really thought about it, Kara had always wanted to know Lena, and she wasn’t about to look a gift horse in the mouth. This was her chance.

But she drew the line at stalking. She’d only showed up to one LuthorCorp event over the last few months. It was the official opening of the new headquarters, and she arrived early, mingling outside with other citizens who had come to see the ribbon cutting. Lena, was stunning in her maroon 3-piece-suit and bold lipstick, smiling for the cameras. It was a bit old-fashioned, but Kara thought it was nice that Lena was following her father’s traditions. Lionel had cut the ribbon to every new branch of LuthorCorp, even when the cancer started to take him.

Kara had learned little things like this as she Googled the newest CEO. With all the events over the last couple of years, there was a plethora of articles to read about the Luthors. They all seemed to be self-made, with their talents only enhanced by the money they made. Lionel had worked for corporate at Ferris Air as a young man, and then Queen Industries when he first got married. Dr. Lillian Luthor supported her husband’s plans to branch out on his own, and 4 years later, by the time Lex was born, 2 branches of LuthorCorp had already flourished in his hometown of Metropolis and his old college stomping grounds of Star City. The business just grew exponentially from there.

She dug deeper. There were other articles that interested her more. One about the adoption of a little Irish girl, a cute Lena with a gap-toothed grin. Some of Lex causing trouble during his college years, chalked up to parental rebellion. Clark featured in a few of these, which amused the hell out of Kara. She read some trashy tabloid articles about the Luthors’ “sexcapades,” the glossy pictures showing Lena and Lex stepping out with both men and women who the gossip-mongers speculated were their lovers. Clark was in some of these pictures, too, which Kara is sure Lois has already sniped him for. Then she perused some sources about Jack Spheer, a handsome British scientist Lena had been in a relationship with for a couple years. Their articles about nanotechnology and its uses in bioengineering were groundbreaking, even to someone from Krypton! The two of them embodied brains and beauty, and Kara felt her heart drop at the thought that her parents would have seen them as the perfect couple. She wished she had someone like that.

But she shook that thought off. She wasn’t looking for love, and she certainly wasn’t looking for it in Lena Luthor when she hadn’t even come out to her sister yet. She put thoughts of the woman’s looks and compatibility out of her head, and instead focused on Lena’s mind. With one Ph.D in Bioengineering and another in Quantum-Physics, Lena had an impressively large body of published research. Kara thought it was a shame she had to take over LuthorCorp, when her brainpower was clearly meant for other things. Lena’s research on the power of DNA to hold blueprints that could then be replicated in 3D-printed models was mind-blowing in how close it got to Kryptonian science. It impressed the hell out of Kara, to say the least.

Then there were the charities! Was there a charity Lena had not given to over the years? The woman had set up recurring donations from her trust fund when she got access to it at 18. They went to everything from LGBTQ organizations to fixing the water in Flint to literacy and STEM programs for disadvantaged youths all over the world. And she didn’t show off about! Kara had only learned these things after digging through an old part of the company website, finding a page about Luthor charities that hadn’t been updated since Lionel’s death. All it took was a call to a few of them to confirm the annual donations.

Despite, all this research into the CEO, there were lines Kara didn’t cross. She never flew past the woman’s office if she could help it. She actually didn’t even know which floor it was, although she guesses it’s probably the top? And she never purposely went looking for the Luthor. The engineer’s address was as much a mystery to her as it was to the press. The only times Kara saw her was on the news (although there was little media coverage) or when she flew over Sullivan Park, where she sometimes spotted Lena meandering around during work hours.

By the time Clark had finally called her to keep an eye on “Miss Luthor,” because “you have to know you enemies Kara,“ the blonde thought she knew the woman pretty well from an outsider’s perspective.

And Kara sure hoped she wasn’t an enemy.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Unfortunately, Kara couldn’t spend all her time thinking about Lena.

Between the uptick in alien crimes that the DEO could find no rhyme or reason for, and training Mon-El how to be a decent human being, she was pretty booked. Not to mention how blah she’d felt at work lately. Something was going on with Cat, and Kara hated the uncertainty. What exactly was her boss planning? She was being more eccentric and moody than usual, and not even her favorite mini-M&M’s could ease the older woman’s attitude.

Kara was just hoping it would blow over soon, because she couldn’t deal with wrangling Mon-El in front of her boss anymore. He was seriously making her seem like a floozy. Cat first made comments about James, interspersed with zingers about her son Adam. And now she had picked up on “Mike” and was snarking Kara about how the man always seemed to come running to her when he was confused about something. Kara did not want to have a reputation as a “playah,” as Winn teasingly called her as he passed by her desk. So if she couldn’t rein in Cat’s teasing, she’d rein in the Daxamite.

It wasn’t as hard as she thought it would be. Her Kryptonian sensibilities, which had a huge influence on her low opinion of him, also allowed her to be the only one he’d listen to. As much as Kryptonians and Daxamites did not get along, they were from sister planets. They were familiar with each other, and they also had cultural and historical similarities. So while they weren’t exactly buddies, they did bond over losing their home worlds. So yeah, he was a pain in the ass, and sometimes she felt like she was training a dog not to piss on the rug or hump somebody’s leg, but everybody deserved a chance. Her parents weren’t perfect by any means, but she knew they’d be proud of her for trying to do right by someone who was displaced by Krypton’s mistakes. 

Fighting crime. Work. Training Mon-El. Sister nights with Alex. Trying to set up James and Lucy again. Going to the arcade with Winn, where she broke the Whack-A-Mole machine yet again (“I just get SO excited, shut up!”). It all kept her pretty busy. And if she sometimes read some of the new research coming out of LuthorCorp during her lunch break, no one was any the wiser.

The Venture launch going wrong didn’t even register as being a turning point in her life, at the time. People, even Kryptonians, rarely have that sort of foresight. It was an easy save, one she probably could have done even without Clark’s help. A relatively small accident, all things considered. But sometimes, big things came from small beginnings.

Lena Luthor would be that big thing.

Kara didn’t even hesitate when Clark asked her to come along. Sure, their relationship had gotten better over the last 4 years, but it hadn’t gotten good enough for her to want to tag along with him like a puppy. There was still distance, some stiffness between them in a lot of ways, even if they knew they loved each other.

No. Kara didn’t go with Clark because she wanted to spend more time with him.

She went because, after years of being intrigued by her, Lena Luthor was inevitable.


	3. Interlude - Clark

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Clark Kent second-guesses everything.

Interlude

_Well this is it now  
Everybody get down  
This is all I can take  
This is how a heart breaks  
You take a hit now  
You feel it break down  
Make you stay while I wait  
This is how a heart breaks_

_~~~~~~~~~~~_

Clark hadn’t come all the way across the country just to help save the spacecraft. He was actually already in town for an interview with Lena Luthor, one that he thought would be healing. It’s why he kept it quiet, why the Planet was going to push the meeting on the CEO at the last minute in a way she couldn’t get out from. Clark had a lot of things he wanted to say to Littles, and he didn’t want her to run any further than she already had.

His good will slowly faded when Lois called him after the failed launch and told him about LuthorCorp’s connection to the faulty oscillator. He was stuck between his head and his heart, as he always was. He remembered how he couldn’t breathe the day Lex went mad. How he didn’t start breathing again until his best friend was apprehended and Lois was in his arms. And then his body shuddering when Lois sobbed, “I’m so sorry Clark, Lex… but Lena, I can’t find Lena! She hasn’t picked up and the signals are all screwy. Clark. Please.”

When he tuned his ears into the city around him he focused on one of the handful of heartbeats he knew like he knew Lois’. It’s beat, usually so steady, was erratic and if he further attuned his senses he could hear her gasping breaths as she cried. He let go of Lois and took off towards where the battle began downtown, the streets already swarming with emergency services. He would have to help them soon, but first he had to find Lena.

He veered into Chinatown and set down on a deserted street, stores caved in by rubble and pavement pockmarked by blasts. He pulled the biggest chunks away from doors and basement entrances, yanking them open for the people he could see were underground or trapped in their crumbling apartment buildings by debris. By the time he got to clearing the basement entrance Lena’s familiar heartbeat was beneath, Clark was holding in his anger, his despair. He pulled open the cellar to Huang’s Convenience and saw around 40-50 people in varying states of disarray staring up at him in awe. All but one. In the back, a familiar-looking Asian woman wrapped around her, his Littles was sobbing, inconsolable.

As the people thanked him, Clark turned away. He had failed so many people today, and Lena was the straw that broke the camel’s back. The first time he had met her was when he stopped by the Manor when he was 18 and she was 5, still shy and unsure about her status as a Luthor. Her wide green eyes had looked up at Lex and him like they were gods, heroes. He was no hero to her today.

After that, Clark stayed away from Lena. Him and Lois were working through their own baggage, their own guilt. At first, the distance really was created out of honorable intentions. She had Jack, right? She’d be fine. He watched her testimony from the press bench with his wife, and felt his heart clench. The younger woman spoke with no emotion, her words damning and absolute. It wasn’t like the Lena he knew. For the first time since he saw the Lexosuit that horrible day, Clark was scared. Lena scared him.

He doesn’t do well with things that scare him. And Lois? She may be the more rational, but she would do anything to protect him. He knew she was hurting too; losing Lex was losing a brother. And she had followed his lead in regards to Lena because she was trying to respect his healing process. When he turned to look at her on the bench, she had the same expression on her face. Fear. Doubt. Those could be two very powerful things. He put Lena’s picture on their mantle facedown when he got home.

Lucy told them they were being stupid. Jimmy agreed with them. His parents told him to give it time and let the feelings settle. They spent months waffling back and forth between anger and guilt. Time seemed to move both too fast and too slow. He threw himself into his work as Clark Kent and Superman, Lois following suit with reporting and volunteering at clean-ups across the city. They heard inklings about changes at LuthorCorp and investigations into Lex’s side projects. But anytime there was news about it, Clark tuned it out. He kept himself informed, he was a journalist after all, but he didn’t want to see Lena. She made him feel too many things. So he kept pushing through. He ignored the whispers about Lex in the Bullpen. Or the looks the hosts would give him and Lois at their favorite haunts, sitting at tables meant for 3. He ignored as Lois lashed out with scathing articles about Lex's, well, Lena's company. By the time it all felt like it was settling down, by the time him and Lois finally considered seeing a therapist to deal with all this shit, Lena was gone.

He thinks it was waking up and not hearing her heartbeat in the city that made him realize how badly he needed help. And how badly Lois probably did too.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

He saw Jimmy as a kid. He couldn’t help it, the guy was 8 or 9 years younger than him, no matter how much better his pictures were than other older and more seasoned photographers. Jimmy was only 15 when Lois first started getting Perry White to pay him under the table for his shots. Sometimes Clark still sees that 15-year-old in Jimmy’s eagerness when he’s oohing and ahhing over new equipment. So it was a little hard for Clark to take Kelly Olsen, Jimmy’s _younger_ sister, seriously at first. Lois adapted differently - his wife was the daughter of a career military man and the sister of a JAG Corps officer, and while she had never served like Kelly had, there was an inherent understanding and respect between them, military brat to military brat.

After Lena left, they started meeting with her every other week. They never told her about Clark’s identity. That wasn’t really important. Everyone knew the two reporters were family to Lex, and that was the heart of their issues. They did talk about blame and survivor’s guilt. Unhealthy coping mechanisms. Lois and Clark were finally starting to unravel. They went to more new restaurants instead of just the ones they always went to with Lex. Lois started jogging along a different route than the one she and the bald-headed man used to. And then, eventually, she went back to her old one, this time with Clark at her side, making new memories in an old place. They flipped Lena’s picture back up, displaying it proudly once again.

Slowly, the Kents were healing. But Kelly warned them that setbacks could, and would happen. Some would be bigger than others.

The Venture was a setback. Clark had come to National City to make amends with Lena. It had been a coin toss that won him the spot, but Clark is pretty sure Lois cheated. There was history between Lena and Clark, being the two people who had been the closest to Lex. It had to be him. And he was actually kind of relieved that this was going to happen, and maybe things would go back to normal after. Maybe Lena would even come home.

But then the Venture happened and it shed doubt on the both of them. Again. Lois, paranoid and loath to be caught unaware once more, especially, by a Luthor, was the one to tie it back to LuthorCorp. Clark had hung up from the phone call with unmitigated rancor. He fumed in his hotel room in National City, the world unaware of the storm that raged inside him. Kelly’s warnings against setbacks were a dim voice in his head as his mindset backslid to that day in the courtroom at Lena’s testimony. Did those dead eyes have the potential for unspeakable atrocities like Lex’s had? Clark was not willing to take a chance on it.

So he called Kara to back him up - an extra set of eyes couldn't hurt when it came to the Luthors. He called Kara because he didn't know what would happen, what he would do, if Lena did show her true colors.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

To no one’s surprise, his “interview” with the younger woman was a shitshow. Seeing her just made him so angry. Because if Lex wasn’t here for him to be pissed with, then he’d be pissed with the next closest thing. Kelly would tell him he wasn’t being fair. But life wasn’t fair to anyone, and certainly hadn’t been fair to him. If it had, he would still have his best friend. So he traded caustic barbs with the new CEO, hardly paying attention to the startled looks Kara was throwing at him. He lashed out. So much for being the ‘Man of Steel,’ letting the words of a woman more than a decade his junior ruffle his feathers.

He rushed out of the office and into the elevator bank without a look back. Her words rang in his ears loudly, and by the time he reached the lobby, they were louder than his anger. His head and his heart warred once again, and this time he let them. It wasn’t so black and white. Sometimes it was easier to be mad than be upset. His father Jonathan always told him that it was the wise man that learned to master the differences between the two.

_Give me a chance Mr. Kent. I’m here for a fresh start. Let me have one._

God, he was so stupid and she was so hurt. He needed to call Kelly. But first, he needed to find his cousin. Had he really left her up there? He leaned against one of the pillars in the lobby, casually tilting his ear to the ceiling, glasses sliding down his nose, finding two heartbeats he knew well.

Wait... What was happening?

Did Littles just say Kara Danvers was better looking than him?

And did his baby cousin just ask Lena Luthor out on a date?

He grimaced, pulling out his phone and opening his contacts. Skipping over “Kelly O.” and going straight to the L’s, his eyes drifted for a second over “Lex” and “Littles,” before he tapped “Lo(is)TheOne.”

He was going to need another psychologist after listening in on those two flirting. And anyways, at least Lois thought he was the good looking one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading everyone. This was just an interlude to break up the Kara POV. Happy holidays everyone!


	4. Chapter 2.5 - Kara

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Kara learns that thinking too much can both be a blessing and a curse.

Chapter 2.5

_I remember when you used to be shy  
Once we were so fine, you and I  
And why you gotta make it so hard on me  
Yeah it's hard on me_

_And I'm sorry but it's not a mistake  
And I'm running but you're getting away_

Kara had no idea what possessed her to be so bold.

She just knew that Clark had been unnecessarily aggressive, especially for someone who had been so close to the CEO for years. The blonde couldn’t stand it. Did he not know anything about the woman at all? From her standpoint, Lena hadn’t done anything wrong, and had been more than helpful. They’d both checked in with NCPD, who reported that Lena’s alibi had been airtight, that they’d gone through the flash drive and found no hard evidence of a nefarious plot. But Clark had been unwilling to give up his vendetta despite the proof. He was wrong.

Kara may have stuttered her way through introducing herself to the beautiful woman, but she focused so hard on the right English words to convey how she felt when Clark left, even if it came out as a bit of a rant. Lena was trying to make a name for herself, the same way Kara had been with Supergirl, the same way she had been trying to since she landed here. When Kara had told Lena she understood her, green eyes had met blue and it was like the ocean crashing against the sand. Kara felt as if lightning had struck her. She knew in her bones that Lena deserved a chance; the same way Kara had deserved a chance when she first took up her mantle, and a second chance after her Red K meltdown.

After all the things Kara had read about Lena and her research and her want to help the world, Kara needed to let the woman know not everyone was as narrow-minded as Clark Kent.

The response was one she was not expecting.

Lena had said she wasn’t “no one,” Lena saw _her_ , and liked what she saw; her flirting and subsequent mortification was proof of that. Rao, the woman was cute with her blush and her wide-eyed surprise at her own candor. But also so so gorgeous in that red top and tight skirt, the blazer a little loose around her shoulders. It brought up mixed feelings in the Kryptonian. She _wanted_ this woman. In more ways than one, and that was _new_.

It made Kara pause. Even though she had gotten a lot better at being okay with people seeing both sides of her, Danvers and Zor-El, she still felt stuck, felt like having two sides was still not the answer. Could she take a chance on this woman, who struck her so viscerally? _Should she?_ It meant more than just letting the CEO in. Kara would have to think of questions she hadn’t truly contemplated in years. Questions about her sexuality and her identity and her ‘humanity.’

Kara had spent her entire life on Earth trying to be who the Danvers said she should be, who Alex and Clark, and then the DEO said she should be. And more often than not, as of late, who her dead parents would want her to be. When Cat asked what she wanted to do in the company earlier that week, Kara didn’t even have an answer. What did she want to be? Supergirl, Kara Danvers, or something more than that?

In that moment, Kara let herself stop thinking. She didn’t know who she wanted to be, but she knew she wanted Lena Luthor there when she did figure it out.

She squared her shoulders and asked the CEO out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

As Kara walked past Lena’s assistant, giving the woman a quick wave (Jess, she remembered - always good to know the assistants’ names) and receiving an odd look in return. Rao, her face must be so red. She was glad she hadn’t run into anyone else on the ride down, her blush slowly receding and breathing leveling out as she reached the lobby, where she could see Clark on the phone, leaning against one of the pillars. He turned when he heard her step off the lift, hanging up on who she knew to be Lois when she lowered her glasses to hear better. When their blue eyes met, he made a face.

Kara may not know all Clark’s tells, but she knew this one. Busted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Her cousin was surprisingly mellow about the whole thing, considering how much of a dick he had been to Lena. Kara’s no psychiatrist, but she knows he’s still healing in some ways, and needs help. As they sit on a bench in Sullivan Park, he tells her about Lex and his sessions with Kelly, about how he had thought he was okay now, but obviously wasn’t. He promised he would apologize to Lena soon, once he could stop seeing things in her eyes that weren’t there. And Kara listened to him, letting him vent, forgiving him when he asked for it, and offering him comfort when he trailed off into silence.

She held his hand and leaned her head on his broad shoulder. After a moment or two of taking in the sounds around them, Kara told him about how Lena Luthor had intrigued her from the moment she knew of the black-haired girl’s existence.

“I used to think I hated her, but really I was just jealous.”

“I didn’t even know her. It was stupid. I was mostly just mad at you.”

“I always was hoping I would meet her whenever I visited you guys.”

“Clark she’s just fucking brilliant. You gotta read this article about frog cells and robots. It’s so ingenious.”

“Did you see what she was wearing? I thought I would die just looking at her.”

“It felt like she saw me, everything I am, without even trying.”

“You know. She’s not Lex. I think she’s actually a lot better than he could ever be.”

Finally, Clark got a word in edgewise, “She is,” he said, pulling away from Kara to look into her eyes. “She is better than him. And better than me and Lois too. But you only know that because you practically stalked the woman, you weirdo. Seriously, don’t do that anymore.” He bumped her shoulder with his teasingly. Clark stood, taking one last glance up towards Lena’s office before turning back to his cousin.

“Look, I don’t really understand this connection you feel with her. But then again, Lena didn’t understand the connection I felt when I first met Lois, either. I guess this is what it feels like when the shoe is on the other foot,” he chuckled, toeing the ground softly.

“So I’m going to tell you what Lena told me then. Mind you, she was only 11 at the time.” Kara scrunched her nose, looking up at him in a way that reminded him how young she still was, how young they both were.

Clark took a deep breath, imparting the words the pre-teen had offered when he was 24, “I don’t know if this love-at-first-sight thing is real. But I do think you can tell who the special people are right away. And you don’t let go of special.”

He took in Kara’s reaction. Her forehead crinkle, the one between her eyebrows, was out in full force as she contemplated his words. She sucked in her cheeks for a second before nodding. “Okay, Kal.” Clark’s heart lightened at the words.

“Okay, Kara. Just don’t make the same mistakes I did. Trust her.” He held out a hand to pull her up off the bench to stand with him.

As they headed off back towards Catco, he blew some air at her dress, causing it to flutter, making her squeal and bat it down. “Kal, fuck off!” Clark snorted, reaching out a hand to mess up her hair like he used to when she was a teenager.

“So, do you want to tell Alex you’ve been pining away after a Luthor, or should I?

“Oh my fucking Rao, Kal.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kara doesn’t tell Alex right away. In fact, a couple weeks pass. She had a few more pressing things to worry about. President Marsden was attacked only days later, and then that spunky NCPD detective had Alex all wrapped up in the case. Kara let them take lead, pulling back to check her phone in between saving the day. She’d had 2 dates with Lena so far, and she felt like she couldn’t stop smiling. They weren’t anything crazy, nothing to write home about, if this was anyone else. But it was Kara, and it was everything to her.

Despite the money and the town cars, Lena was a homebody. They had so far eaten at Kara’s favorite Chinese place (where the staff, strangely enough, also knew Lena pretty well, the CEO’s Mandarin putting Kara’s to shame), and went to see one of the new blockbusters one evening because pointing out all the ways the stunts defied the laws of physics was “half the fun” in Lena’s opinion. The other half was sneaking food into the cinema. How Lena fit an entire salad bowl under her jacket, complete with packets of dressing in her pockets, Kara will never know. And _she’s_ the one with superpowers? Not likely. Not like the powers Lena had over her, and they hadn’t even gone further than a few kisses.

She didn’t know why it was that being with Lena felt the same way as being seen by Kenny. Lena didn’t even know Kara was an alien, and yet when she looked at Kara, the blonde felt whole. Maybe she’d gotten it all wrong, and people didn’t have to know about her powers to really see her. She just had to let herself be.

So she did, slowly, bit by bit, week after week. Until one month became two and two became three. They texted each other every day, phone dates interspersed a couple of times a week with a Netflix Party thrown in when they couldn’t make it to each other’s apartments. Sometimes Kara let Lena rope her into playing the PS4 (Lena was scary good at FPS, Kara more into stories like Life Is Strange).

And if sometimes she saved the CEO as Supergirl, or had to cancel for a DEO emergency, well, Kara ignored the twinge of fear and guilt she felt, Clark’s words ringing in her head.

Instead, she focused on improving herself in other ways. She didn’t censor herself to fit into the bumbling Kara Danvers mold she’d created at work or force herself into the Kryptonian mindset that didn’t always fit anymore (but sometimes, sometimes she felt like it was the only thing that fit). She let herself really feel things or at least tried to; be ecstatic or angry or excited or sad. And she let Lena see those emotions. On their 5th official date (because showing up with lunch at Lena’s office twice a week, while sweet, didn’t count according to Jess), a month into their relationship, Kara even told Lena all the embarrassing things she had told Clark the last time she saw him.

When she finished explaining the whole stupid thing, Lena was mystified. “Darling, I cannot believe you went through all that. We could have met ages ago if you just had said something to Clark or Lois. Or even my brother before he lost his mind.” She took Kara’s hand tugging her closer in the diner booth. “I assure you, my life was nowhere near perfect, and probably could have benefited from some of that Danvers charm.” She winked at the blonde, causing Kara to roll her eyes. She knew she had her moments, but more often than not, Lena was the smooth one.

“On a more serious note,” Lena continued, “I’m sorry about your parents. That’s so tough because you have 13 years worth of memories. I was lucky I only had 4. And I’m sorry your closest family member ended up stuck with me instead.” She shrugged self-deprecatingly. Kara couldn’t believe her. “Stuck with you? He was lucky to have you. Just like I am. And let’s not compare trauma Lee. Losing someone is losing someone.” Lena sighed and nodded, leaning her forehead against Kara’s. “Alright, Macushla. I see you, I hear you. Thanks.”

Kara closed her eyes. _Macushla_. She looked it up last week - a derivative of the Irish Gaelic word _cuisle_ , meaning darling. But macushla meant _my_ darling, and Lena only used it when Kara said something that got her especially mushy. It wasn’t said in a possessive way, or a demeaning one. It was said the same way Kara said _el mayarah_ lately; like a prayer of thanks. As she leaned in to kiss the Irish woman, Kara sent up her own prayer to Rao. _Thank you for bringing us together at last_.

As the kiss grew in intensity, Kara pulled away, eyes closed, still uncomfortable with that type of depth of emotion, especially in public. She really needed to think about all that at some point. She opened her eyes, peaking at Lena’s face, expecting anger or confusion. But Lena was still looking at her warmly, holding eye contact as she took the hand that was still in hers and kissed Kara’s palm. “Don’t look so nervous. You didn’t even kiss me til our 3rd ‘official’ date. I know you want to go slow. I’m not going anywhere.”

Geez, this woman was perfect.

They turned back to their dinner, Lena winding some spaghetti around her fork. “So let’s talk about that time you cyber-stalked me Kar. That was a bit fucked up.”

Kara choked on her chicken parmigiana, turning to glare at her tablemate. Lena snorted, and the blonde rolled her eyes. Under the table Kara unbent the fork she had accidentally crushed. Clearing her throat, she continued their discussion on nuclear physics. Because that’s another thing she wasn’t hiding from Lena - how smart she actually was. She figured Lena chalked it up to personal hobbies, but the women was absolutely overjoyed to have someone to talk about her research with, or well, at the very least, talk to someone who didn’t already work for her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Their third month of dating brought a new dynamic to their relationship. Lena wanted Kara to meet her friends. Subsequently, Kara began freaking out. As she still hadn’t told Alex all the details (Alex knew she was seeing someone, just not that that someone was a woman, or that that woman was Lena Luthor), Kara had no other option but to call Lois. Unfortunately, the woman wasn’t very helpful. Or sympathetic.

“K, I have no idea what her friends are like. But haven’t you met the assistant already? I remember Jess vaguely and she was always sweet.”

“Jesus, Kara, grow a pair. You’re just going out to a bar. Nothing to cry about it.”

“I am 100% certain no one will give a shit about what you wear. You managed to snag a Luthor, so why should you care anyways.”

“Kid, I’m hanging up now. Put on your big girl pants and tell me how it went later.”

Yeah, so that call was basically useless.

But after changing her outfit 3 times (finally settling on a dark green dress with a striped mock neck that made her eyes pop, blue Chuck’s, and a high ponytail), Kara headed downtown, towards the East Side. She got there a little past 7, seeing Lena waiting for her, leaning up against the outside of what appeared to be a rather swanky bar. The CEO was dressed in skinny dark wash jeans that hugged her curves, a forest green oxford, the sleeves rolled up, showing off toned forearms, and Vans. With her thick black hair down from its usual tight bun, dark aviators shielding her eyes, and the casual dress, Lena was almost unrecognizable as National City’s resident Luthor.

Kara walked over slowly, letting Lena look her over, a wolfish smirk growing on the younger woman’s face when she saw Kara’s short skirt. When she was within arm’s length, Lena reached out and tugged her so they were standing chest to chest. She didn’t kiss Kara, even though one look into those green eyes when the shades dipped made it obvious the woman wanted to. Instead she looped her arms loosely around the taller woman’s waist, placing her head on Kara’s shoulder. “Hello Macushla, missed you,” she breathed into Kara’s neck.

Kara smiled. She preferred this greeting to a kiss any day. She bent her head to Lena’s ear, trying to sound like a guy from a bad 90’s movie, “Yo, you look like a straight up hottie tonight.”

Lena howled in delight, pushing the Kryptonian away from her. Kara loved it when the usually reserved woman let herself laugh like that. “You ass! Please don’t talk like that in front of my friends. They will eat you alive.” It took everything Kara had not to make an inappropriate joke at that one, and she must not have done a great job hiding it, because Lena thumped her on the arm. “Quit that! You may have everyone else fooled, but I know you’re a big pervert.” Kara gasped in mock indignation, as Lena took her hand and dragged her away from the bar.

Kara looked at the back of Lena’s head questioningly as they walked away. From the bar. That they were supposed to meet her friends in. “Lee where are we going?”

Lena glanced back at her, shades slipping down her long nose again. “That wasn’t the bar, that’s just where I said to meet me. Our place is a little bit more secluded and I didn’t want you to get lost.”

“Our place” turned out to be the alien bar Alex and Mon-El had been telling her about, the one Mon-El was currently working for, since he got fired from CatCo last week. Kara nervously followed inside after Lena, and of course, there was the Daxamite behind the bar. He put down the glass he had been cleaning when he met her eyes. “Kara? What’s up? Do they need me back at the D…” He abruptly cut himself off, as Kara made the cutting off motion against her neck with the hand not in Lena’s.

Kara squeezed her eyes tight in exasperation as she felt Lena’s hand leave hers.

A throat cleared and Kara turned towards the sound, opening her eyes to take in Lena standing there with a raised eyebrow, arms folded across her chest. Her assistant Jess stood in a similar position at Lena’s shoulder, a taller blonde woman flanking Lena’s other side. To the right, sitting in the booth adjacent to them, was no other than Detective Sawyer, leather jacket on, and looking coolly dangerous.

Kara sighed. She had to think on her feet a bit. “Um, well, I know this is an alien bar because a detective’s been taking Alex here,” at this she looked pointedly at the cop, and everyone turned to look at Maggie, who tried hiding the guilty look on her face behind her beer. Interesting…

“Sawyer, you dog!” Lena’s blonde friend exclaimed with glee. She slid into the booth to thump Maggie on the back, causing the small Latina to spit out her beer.

“Ease up, Darla. We’ll deal with you later, _Pollita_.” Maggie squawked in indignation at the nickname. Lena turned back to Kara, arms uncrossed but brows still raised. “So you come here often enough that you know the help?

Kara took a second to collect the words. “Lee, remember that guy Mike from work I always complain about?” Lena stayed silent and Kara laughed a bit awkwardly. She gestured over to him, “Well that’s him and he’s here because he’s an alien.”

“KARA?” Mon-El squealed. Kara rolled her eyes at his dramatics. Everyone knew M’gann only hired aliens to work the bar, she’s sure everyone here knows that especially Lena and her friends, considering this was their “usual place.” The Daxamite flailed a bit before pointing an accusing finger back at her, sputtering, “Well she’s an alien too!”

What. The. Fuck.

It was almost an out of body experience for Kara. This was it.

She put her palms over her eyes, pressing so tightly she saw stars. Maybe Winn could accept that she had kept her powers from him and not take it personally, but Lena wouldn’t. She was losing her; she was losing this amazing woman. Fuck. FUCK. Her mind played a loop of all the wonderful moments they’d had together, Lena’s smile and the way she could laugh louder than anyone Kara had ever known. The way she was deadly with chopsticks. It’d been little over three months, but Kara didn’t know what she would do without her, without Lena’s quiet strength and gentle comfort. Her parents would hate what she was about to do.

She burst.

Kara stood sobbing in the shitty bar in front of Lena and her friends. It was the type of sobbing that didn’t make a sound, but instead had you gasping for air as the room collapsed in on you.

And then the world rushed back in all at once. Through her tears, Kara felt warm arms wrap around her, shushing her as she was pulled into a seated position, leather sticking to the underside of her legs. The scent of jasmine filled her nose. Lena. It made her sob harder. After what felt like days, Kara finally got her breathing under control. Her tears slowed. She pulled away from Lena, expecting anger, but she was sorely mistaken.

Lena had a few tears of her own rolling down her porcelain cheeks, but she was looking at Kara with absolute warmth, the same exact way she’d looked at Kara the first day they’d met. Had nothing really changed?

“Of course not Macushla. You’re still you. It’s okay, dear.” Oh Rao, she must have said that out loud.

“You’re fine, Danvers.” That came from Maggie, the detective had a soft look on her face. “In one way or another, we all know what it’s like to have a secret. And some of us know what it’s like to have it outed when we least expect it.” This was said with a specific type of sadness that had Kara wondering who broke Maggie’s heart. Next to her, Darla nodded, winking her double-lidded eyes at Kara. A Roltikkon, how did she miss that? And where was Jess? Kara turned and looked past Lena, spotting Jess smacking Mon-El upside the head. She knew it wouldn’t hurt him, and he didn’t fully deserve it, but it was fun to see his offended face.

Maybe she was in good company here. Queers and aliens all in one place. In for a penny, in for a pound, Kara thought.

She turned back to Lena, “I’m sorry Lena. I swear it’s not because you’re a Luthor.” She took Lena’s face in her hands, voice shaking. She stroked Lena’s cheek. “It’s because you’re so much more than that and I’m falling in love with you. And that’s kind of scary.” She felt more than heard Lena’s gasp, heard the way her heart skipped a beat before picking up speed.

At the bar, Mon-El dropped a glass with a crash. Across from them Maggie and Darla were staring, enraptured by the moment. But Kara didn’t have eyes or ears for anyone but the woman in front of her.

Lena’s face squished between Kara’s hands as her blushing cheeks stretched into the biggest smile, a few more tears coming out of her mossy green eyes. She croaked out, “I think I’m falling in love with you too, silly. And I can’t say I’m too surprised by the alien thing. Just had a feeling…” She shrugged knowingly. Kara buried her head into Lena’s shoulder, mumbling, “Of course you did, you’re a freaking genius and I’m a freaking idiot,” making Lena laugh. Kara smiled into the fabric of Lena’s shirt, expression matching the CEO’s. But there was still something she had to get off her chest. Clark said not to make the same mistakes he had.

_In for a penny, in for a pound._

“Also. I’m Supergirl.”

Lena yelped, pulling away in shock. Mon-El dropped another glass. Maggie dropped hers too. Darla seemed like she was holding in a scream.

All was quiet.

Then Jess, who had been standing frozen between the bar and their booth, burst out laughing. She laughed so hard her face turned red and she started heaving for air. Darla jumped up from the booth to help her girlfriend over to them. The Asian American cracked up again once she saw Lena and Kara’s surprised faces.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry. I know I’m ruining this whole moment or whatever. But oh my fucking God, this is great. I knew only a literal superhero could put up with Lena Luthor, the most high maintenance bitch I know. I just didn’t expect this Romeo and Juliet twist.” She continued to giggle. Maggie joined in with her own booming howls. Soon all 5 women were laughing to some degree, laughing even more so when Mon-El slammed a round on the table with a muttered, “This one’s on the house. Sorry Kara. Um, and congrats?” He nodded his head towards Lena with a pointed look.

Kara turned back to Lena, earnestly reclaiming her hands. The black-haired woman squeezed them back. “So now that that’s all out in the open. How do you feel about being Supergirl’s girlfriend?”

Lena shook her head. “What did I tell you? I’m just Lena. And you’re just Kara. And I definitely want to be just Kara’s girlfriend.” Kara beamed, even as she felt her face heat up. For once, without overthinking it, or caring what anyone else would want or expect her to do, she pulled Lena close, tangling her hands in long black hair. She pressed their smiles together, teeth clinking awkwardly, making them both giggle, before they sunk into a long, passionate kiss. Shouts rose up from around the bar, and from Lena’s friends, but the couple paid no attention to it. 

Kara felt like she could kiss Lena for the rest of her life. But all good things come to an end at some point. The bar door slammed, and Kara was well on her way to ignoring it, but then she yanked herself away from Lena.

She knew that heartbeat.

Kara whipped around and there, standing in clear view of her impromptu make-out session, was Alex. The redhead’s jaw was hanging open as she took in the scene before her. Her mouth moved wordlessly as she gestured to Kara and Lena and then her wide eyes met Maggie’s.

Everyone turned to stare at the cop.

Pressured by all the attention, the detective grimaced, throwing her hands up. “Okay, so I may have forgotten that I invited Danvers out tonight. _No estés enojada conmigo._ ” That caused Lena and Darla to scoff. The tiny cop climbed over Darla and Jess and made her way over to the silent agent.

“Guys, meet Danvers. Danvers meet the guys. Oh, and that’s your sister’s girlfriend, Lena Luthor.” She gestured to Lena, who attempted a wave, but gulped as Alex turned a glare on her.

The cop slung an arm around Alex’s shoulder to break the stare down. “Anyways, Danvers, did you know that Kara is Supergirl?” This was said with a shit-eating grin. Kara just sighed at that. Lena was right when she said Maggie was trouble. She counted down in her head.

Three.

Two.

One.

“KARA WHAT THE FUCK!?”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The fact that Kara, the world’s worst liar (or perhaps greatest actress?), managed to keep Alex out of the loop for almost 3 months was a testament to many things.

The first of those being Kara’s new job working under Snapper Carr. The balding man was a real piece of work, and Kara had been working her ass off just to get to the point where he even acknowledged her, not that she particularly liked being called “Ponytail, but something was better than nothing. She was playing hard and loose with her escapes from work and James’ cover-ups in order to keep Supergirl-ing. Alex knew that. In fact, Alex was sick of hearing about Snapper Carr and his “impossible expectations.”

So if Kara went straight home after hanging up her cape for the evening, Alex wasn’t too concerned. She figured her sister was going to be up late again, working on another puff piece or obituary, whatever mind-numbing thing Snapper had pushed on the blonde. What she didn’t know was that Kara had actually been using super-speed to get her work done and sharing bylines in order to decrease her workload. In this way, Kara had the best of everything she loved - she could write, she still had time for sister nights, she could be Supergirl, and most recently, she could get the girl.

The second reason Kara got away with it was less about a change in Kara’s work-life balancing habits, and more of a lie of omission. A lot of omission. Kara was not a very secretive person. That’s probably why it was so hard for her to be close to anyone when they didn’t know her secret identity. Well, anyone but Lena. Still, it wasn’t easy to lie to Alex, and Kara wanted to explore her relationship away from the stress and pressure her sister would, without a doubt, put on it. Alex was like an overprotective Rottweiler at times, and Kara, for once, wanted to keep her at arm’s length from her newest suitor. She didn’t think Alex would understand, not after how they had always bonded over not really enjoying being in relationships.

And then there was, you know, the whole pansexual thing. It was something she hadn’t been comfortable telling the Danvers as a teenager or even Kal-El, who she should’ve educated about Krytpon, and while tolerance was better now, she still had not even a sliver of an idea about how Alex would take it. That’s why she made the decision to completely and totally underplay the seriousness of the relationship. It wasn’t that she kept it a secret - she told a few of her new coworkers about it as they worked on articles together which was nice, and she was pretty sure, much to her embarrassment, that J’onn had read her mind already.

But she’d told everyone she was seeing someone! That was a fact! It’s just that whenever they asked for more information, she changed the subject or shrugged. Winn and James assumed it was a casual fling. And Alex didn’t have time or the willpower to assume anything else. At any other time, the redhead would have been her usual self, scarily attuned to the actions and habits of her little sister.

Yet the reason Alex hadn’t been on top of her the last few months was because of the third thing that helped keep Kara’s relationship under wraps: the existence of one Maggie Sawyer.

Lately, the cop had taken all of Alex’s attention and spare time. Kara was happy for her sister, don’t get her wrong. Alex could use a best friend outside of her life at the DEO, and Maggie was close enough in careers and clearance to understand her, but far enough to show Alex how to have a little bit more fun. The blonde had known the duo had been hanging out at the alien bar, going to movies, and having TV nights at Alex’s place. The older Danvers had even canceled sister night once after Maggie had gotten off a rough shift and needed someone to talk to.

It took Kara 2 months to realize _Lena’s_ Maggie was also _Alex’s_ Maggie. That sounds kind of ridiculous, considering the amount of times both women had spoken to her about the Latina, but Kara had had other things on her mind. Lena was incredibly distracting in her own right, so who could blame Kara for being a little bit more interested in cuddling up with the CEO on her couch than looking at the pictures that lined the walls of her apartment. But when Lena had fallen asleep playing Battlefront one night, Kara had gently extricated herself from underneath the woman and went to use the restroom. Lo and behold, there was a picture of Maggie Sawyer. And geez was that Jess? Why were they all in a police car?

Slowly, Kara’s tired mind had filled in the blanks. It really was such a small world. And a small city. It was a bit ironic, that the one helping keep her sister distracted was also one of Lena’s best friends. One could even call her an unwitting wing-woman in a sense.

She told Lena, of course. Mentioned that her FBI Agent sister had worked a few cases lately with Maggie Sawyer, and was that the same Maggie Lena knew? Lena had confirmed it, and even mentioned it to Maggie over dinner at their favorite place by their apartments. Too caught up in her own anecdote about her and Kara’s date, she failed to notice the way Maggie’s eyes had widened, Kung Pao chicken falling from her chopsticks.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Maggie was too much of a cynic to believe in coincidences, but she was starting to think this whole “fate” bullshit was a thing. The fact that Lena’s girlfriend, the one she’d pretty much been keeping to herself for months, was Kara _Danvers_ , _esa perrita_ , was just too good to be true. Alex was worried about coming out as gay to her also secretly gay sister? It sounded like a bad rom-com. But it also sounded like a win-win opportunity to Maggie.

There was no way Alex would get rejected by her little sister who she loved more than anything in the world. Maggie wanted to give her that win, a win Maggie, herself, had never gotten back in Nebraska. It didn’t help that she was falling for Alex, and she thought maybe the woman being out would help create distance between them - Alex would finally be able to go meet other queer women and get away from the train wreck that was Maggie Sawyer. Yeah, she was that much of a coward when it came to falling for the redhead. The meet-up Jess had planned seemed like killing two birds with one stone.

  1. She got to officially meet the woman Lena was being insufferable about - a perfect teasing opportunity.
  2. Alex and Kara had a safe space to come out to each other without fear of rejection.



So unbeknownst to all parties involved, she double-booked herself that evening. _Soy una genia!_

(Later, everyone would tell her that she, under no circumstances, was allowed to plan any surprise, ever.)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

However, it did turn out for the best. Eventually.

Lena, Maggie, Jess, Darla, and pretty much everyone else in the bar did their best to ignore the yells coming from the bathroom Alex had dragged her sister into after she’d yanked Kara out of the booth (and after she’d elbowed Maggie, a little vindictively, right in the boob to get to her sister).

It took some yelling (Alex), and some stammering (Kara), and a shit ton of tears (both of them), but some things became clear to both Danvers in that dilapidated restroom.

  1. They were both queer.
  2. They had both been afraid of telling the other.
  3. They were both in love.



“Oh my God, out of everyone you just had to pick Lena fucking Luthor. You know I ignored that little passive aggressive thing you had going for her as a kid, but damn I shouldn’t have looked the other way.”

“You’re one to talk! Miss “Pines Away for Hot Cops!” Speaking of that, why haven’t you said anything to her yet? She’s like you, but instead of a Rottweiler, she’s a German Shepherd.”

“And your Golden Retriever ass is dating a Doberman! Shut up! I’ll get there when I get there! And I can't believe I saved your secret girlfriend’s stupid ass last month! I should have let Corben shoot her!”

Back at their booth, the rest of the women tuned out the Danvers by instead turning on one of their own.

“Maggitha Ann Sawyer, that’s the woman you’ve been secretly gay for! DaAmmmmn.”

“Jess, that’s literally not my fucking name.”

“Don’t take that tone with my lady, she’s just expressing what we’re all thinking. You always do like it hot.”

“Yeah Darla, that’s why I dumped you.”

Two voices cry in unison, “HEY!” and “Fuck off Sawyer!”

“I just can’t believe the baby gay you were talking about is _my_ girlfriend’s sister.”

“I can’t believe the baby gay I am talking about is _Supergirl’s_ sister.”

The table quiets as the ladies take in this statement.

Then, “Oh my god, the puppy is going to fling you into space!”

Lena and Darla crack up at the visual, while Jess tries to fight off Maggie’s offended hands slapping at her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Alex and Maggie get together two weeks later, after the incident at L-Corp shook them all up.

If the squad and the boys mock them about the event, it’s just in good fun.

“Lucy, can you pass the remote.”

“Why, Lena?”

A pale hand reaches out to grab Lucy’s. Green eyes look into brown.

“Because life is too short, and we should be who we are. And we should get the remote from the girls we want to get the remote from.”

Silence.

“And I really just want to get the remote from you.”

“Please just fucking snipe me,” Alex mutters from her place curled into Maggie in Lena’s apartment. Maggie, red cheeks only slightly visible with her tan complexion, just pats her hand as she uses the other to throw popcorn at their laughing friends.

“ _Pendejos_!”

Lois cackled when Kara sent her the recording.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Things are great. There are dates. There’s falling asleep in each other’s arms. They have weekly game nights with their combined friend groups. Snapper is less of a jerk. Mon-El is getting the hang of life on Earth, apprenticing at an auto shop when his affinity for mechanics is made known. Her sister is dating one of the craziest people she’s ever met. And Kara had successfully wing-manned James and Lucy back together. Things are better than they’ve ever been in Kara’s life.

Until they aren’t.

It began with the little negative thoughts she’d have from time to time. But then it started to snowball. Kara felt like she would always be a work in progress. It wasn’t a nice feeling.

It wasn’t Lena. Lena was funny and patient, and she never asked for more than Kara was ready for, although she was not afraid to voice her own thoughts, either. She seemed to anticipate Kara’s needs, and even when they fought, she never pushed Kara away. She took Kara’s anger or annoyance, and she dished her own back, until they hashed the issue out and made peace. Lena listened, better than anyone ever had, and it made Kara feel so visible and so very loved.

But Kara still hadn’t been able to put into words (in any language, because she and Lena shared fluency in several) the conflict that whirled inside her like a tornado, tearing up her heart.

It’d been 5 months and they still hadn’t had sex.

Well, scratch that. They hadn’t been having an _honest_ sexual relationship.

Kara still wasn’t one for public displays of affection, but she had become a lot more comfortable in the privacy of their apartments. Making out was great, heavy petting while making out was even better. She enjoyed the way Lena was such a princess, letting Kara take charge and move things at the pace she wanted. And Kara did want her.

It was just that her heart and her brain were both conflicted. One part of her, the one that allowed her to go down on Lena with utmost enjoyment, was crying out to let herself be free to explore her sexuality. Another, the part that made her pull away from her girlfriend’s wandering fingers or that made her want to put space between Lena and herself, was wholly uncomfortable with the idea of sex. Lastly, her own powers caused her trouble, scaring her into believing she’d hurt Lena if she lost herself in a moment of passion. She’d never forgive herself for that. The “problem” she had been ignoring since she was a teenager surrounded by hormonal humans became one she couldn’t avoid or write off in a serious, committed relationship.

Serious and committed. That was such a scary, yet thrilling update. Five months in and she already knew she wanted to put in the time to make sure she and Lena could be together for as long as possible.

Even with that drive, though, Kara found herself stuck. She’d think about the “sex thing” in all her spare moments. She knew if she could just talk to Lena about it she’d feel better. Yet doubts crept in every time she tried.

She’d think of all the times they’d spent in bed together, in the middle of a heated moment, when she’d had to pull away and stop what they were doing. When her fears and her Kryptonian distaste for sex reared it’s head and she had to grab her clothes and pull them back on. Lena never complained. Instead, she’d be concerned, holding Kara tight as the blonde woman curled against her. She’d ask if she did anything wrong, and if not, let the alien know that there was no pressure. They’d end up talking about lighter things, before finally drifting off to sleep.

Unknown to Lena, Kara was the one putting pressure on herself.

She’d second-guess her actions and Lena’s reactions. Did Lena really mean it when she said it was okay that Kara didn’t want to have sex? Was Lena getting tired of Kara’s hot and cold behavior? Would she dump Kara? Would she find pleasure elsewhere if her girlfriend wasn’t satisfying her? After all, what type of person wanted a relationship without sex? She even started looking back at those articles from when Lena was younger and seemed to have a new lover every week.

She thought about her parents in depth for the first time since she started dating Lena. Would they have approved of the match? If Lena was a Kryptonian, would the Matricomps have paired them together? Should those answers even matter? Kara just didn’t know, and she couldn’t find a way out from under the weight of being Krypton’s last daughter.

Kara, whether she went by Zor-El or Danvers, was not a moron.

But even the smartest people can fall prey to insecurity, fear and grief.

These random thoughts didn’t have much affect on their relationship at first. But time went by, and Kara felt more and more inadequate as she compared their relationship to Darla and Jess’, Maggie and Alex’s, even James and Lucy’s. Maybe she wasn’t the best person for Lena, after all. Kara’s dreams of their future together, thoughts about the apartment they’d one day share or the pets they’d get, started fading as she started believing they’d no longer be a reality.

She began mourning a relationship that wasn’t even over yet. And she started hating herself for not being good enough for Lena. Why couldn’t she just be “normal” like everyone had wanted?

She knew Lena noticed.

There were more “calls” from the DEO or “late nights” at CatCo. She didn’t stay over at Lena’s place anymore. Kisses in greeting became pecks on the cheek. Less office lunches. More concerned looks from Alex and glares from Jess. When they did get to spend time together, Kara could see the confusion in Lena’s eyes as the CEO tried to comfort her. But Kara was too afraid to open up. Would telling Lena about it hasten the end of their relationship? Kara was too much of a coward to let go of the woman she loved, but also too scared of her fears being validated.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It happened on a Thursday.

The couple had been having a relatively good day, considering the rut Kara had been in. They were eating lunch in Lena’s office, and Kara had just finished telling a funny story about Susan from the 11th floor. In the comfortable silence after their laughter had died down, Kara had looked up from her burger to see Lena picking at her salad. The jumbo orange soda next to her girlfriend remained untouched, a sure sign of distress.

Kara’s heart clenched. “Something wrong?”

Lena looked up, one perfectly sculpted eyebrow rose, “Shouldn’t I be asking you the same question?” She put down her fork and flattened her palms on her desk.

Her voice shook. “I’ve been giving you time. And space. Everything in me is telling me that something isn’t right. But you brush it off. We have moments like this, where everything seems fine, but then you cancel on me, with your excuses getting flimsier than LordTech’s machinery. This last month I’ve had to watch you pull away from me. I can’t breathe sometimes, I’m so upset by it. Everything was going great, or I thought they were. Did I do something wrong?” This last part comes out as a desperate whisper, tears welling up in green eyes. By this point, Lena’s hands are clenched into fists, and Kara knows manicured nails are leaving half-moon indents into the woman’s palms.

 _This is not how I wanted it to go. This isn’t what I want_ , Kara thought. Or at least she thought she thought it. Oh, Rao how did she keep doing that?

She flinched as Lena hissed, almost as if Kara had burned her, slumping back as far as possible in her chair. She was gob smacked, mortally wounded in a way Kara had not anticipated. She stood up moving closer, trying so hard not to stutter, as Lena rolled further and further away from Kara, chair pressing against the windows. At that point, the alien doesn’t even know what she babbled, something about legacy and self-control, an apology, anything to try and make Lena understand.

But the woman she loved had crumpled in on herself, one hand over her mouth to hide her sobs, the other outstretched to keep Kara from coming any closer.

Kara felt like she was on fire. Her whole body was shaking, her senses on overload. She couldn’t speak. She couldn’t cry. She was surprised that she could even hear Lena’s voice over the sound the woman’s erratic heartbeat. Over the sound of her own. Was this how a heart breaks?

“Just go.”

Kara guessed it was. She walked out of Lena’s office, past a slack-jawed Jess who had been listening at the door, and into the elevator. She watched as the look on the assistant’s face transformed into fury, but before Jess could get halfway to Kara, the doors slid shut.

Her fellow Kryptonians would have been proud if they could see her now. She listened to the woman she loved fall apart as the lift brought her down to the lobby. She didn’t cry, not at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Kara shuts off her phone for 3 days. Supergirl still saves the day. Kara Danvers still reports for work every day. But Kara, as a whole, is nowhere to be found. She’d slept on the rooftop of her apartment building the last few nights, eager to avoid both Alex and Maggie who came to break down her door. Short of using kryptonite on her, there’s no way Alex can even get Kara to stay in the room long enough to be interrogated. If Lucy or James tried to bring it up at work, Kara strong-armed them into being professional.

She doesn’t know how to tell them that she had sabotaged her relationship with the only living person who had seen all of her and fell in love with all of her, anyways. She doesn’t know how to tell them why she did it. If he was still alive, Kenny would kick her ass. She’d gotten a second chance, and she spurned it.

On Monday, she turned her phone back on. It blew up with 23 text messages from the Superfriends, a few from Lena’s “squad.” Some (Winn and James) were more polite than others (Maggie and Lucy). She had 7 voicemails alone from Darla, each describing increasingly more creative ways the Roltikkon would hurt her. Several from Alex, begging Kara to speak with her.

One from Jess. “I don’t know why you did it, but you’ve made a mistake.”

And nothing from Lena. Kara wasn’t surprised by that. She lowered her glasses and listened for Lena’s heartbeat, the way she had over the last 3 days. It was downtown. And it wasn’t alone? Kara’s breath tightened for a minute before she recognized Maggie’s snores. Lena must be sleeping in for once, cop’s orders.

Kara closed her messages, and pulled up the keypad. She called in sick to work, told J’onn to be on standby for Supergirl duty, and took off into the sky.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Mon-El was the one who found her.

She wasn’t really surprised. Ever since he started working at the auto shop, he’d taken her along to the junkyards several times in search of parts for his latest clients. They had a good time tearing apart old cars, sometimes to get the pieces Mon-El’s boss needed, other times just for the fun of it. So if anyone were going to find her here, bench-pressing a stripped down, rusty ’67 Chevelle, it would be him.

He simply laid on the ground next to her, hands behind his head, waiting until she had finished and set the car down lightly a few feet away. Just as she was taking her place once more on the ground, he opened his mouth. “You know, nature and nurture are pretty weird things.” Kara glanced towards him, but remained silent, turning her eyes back up to the sky.

“Daxamites had all the same biological advancements as Kryptonians. You know this; it’s why I have powers here like you. But that also means we experienced the same levels of decreased libido.” This made Kara sit up on her elbows and look at him skeptically.

Mon-El laughed at the look, raising his arms up to the sky to trace patterns in the clouds. “Yeah, yeah. I know you stuffy bastards had this whole idea that Daxam was this moral-less sex haven. But we had a Matricomps and Birthing Matrix just like you. Historically, our peoples have even intermarried.”

Kara’s nose scrunched up at the thought of marrying a Daxamite. “Where are you going with this?”

“I’m saying that on Daxam, we recognized that sexuality was a spectrum, and we let our population make the decisions that were best for them. I’m saying that just because you may be asexual, doesn’t mean you can’t make it work with Lena. Because asexuality is a spectrum too Kara.”

The blonde, who had frozen up at Lena’s name, sprang to her feet at that, pacing in front of the lounging brunette. “You think I don’t know that? I’m not so narrow-minded!”

Mon-El sat up, his palms outstretched, placating. “I know you do. But what I’m saying is that you all believed we were taught to be these sex-addicted, lawless people. Sure, many of us could be, if we wanted - I sure wasn’t an exception. But if our nature otherwise inclined us, there was no shame in being more monogamous, and dare I say it, more Kryptonian.”

Kara stopped pacing and wrung her hands. “Are you saying that I need to be more like a Daxamite?”

Mon-El let out a dry chuckle. “No. I’m saying that you may have been taught and nurtured to be Kryptonian, which might as well be synonymous with stoicism. But that there is no shame if your nature, if your soul is guiding you to be more. You’re not betraying them Kara.”

Kara looked up, if only to hide the tears gathering in her eyes from Mon-El. “I just keep thinking of them. I’m sure you do too. Our parents. Would they be proud of our choices? What if my nature is split down the middle? How could I ever be with a human?”

Mon-El leaned back on his palms. “Of course I think of them. But I’m also starting to accept that I’ll never know what my parents will think of me, of who I am _now_. I have to focus more on the living. What do you think of me? Or Alex or Winn or Lucy? These are the people in my life now and my obligations are to you guys, not the dead.”

He smiled up at her, albeit sadly. “As for your other questions, do you Kryptonians ever listen? Asexuality is a spectrum. Even if you didn’t have the weight of thousands of years of prudes in your blood, ruining you sex life,” at this Kara kicked one of his outstretched legs, “you could still fall somewhere on that spectrum. And that’s okay. Humans can be asexual too and still have healthy relationships. It doesn’t make you a bad partner. Give yourself a chance to explore that side of you without the guilt.”

He held his hands out wordlessly, and Kara pulled him to his feet. Her mind was spinning. “No offense, but when did you get this smart?”

The man smirked roguishly, smacking his hands together to rid them of dirt. “Kryptonians may have had matters of the brain down pat. But us Daxamites were more adept at matters of the heart.” He punched Kara in the arm. “Plus, I heard shit all the time at the bar, and let me tell you, wherever you fall on that spectrum, Lena Luthor will love you.”

Kara slapped him on the chest in exasperation, “Don’t listen in on private conversations!” She looked away from him as he chuckled, though, whispering, “You really think so?”

He walked over to the Chevelle she had been lifting. “I know it Kar, el mayarah, right? You just have to talk to her.” He picked the car up with one hand. “And if you’re worried about the whole super-powered sex with a human thing, you should ask Winn to make you a pair of red-sun power-dampening bracelets. They work pretty damn well.” He winked at her, causing Kara to turn beet red. Of course the Daxamite had already found a solution to that issue.

“Now, I saw this in a movie Winn showed me yesterday. Go long!”

Kara shook her head, feeling lighter as she sped after the car Mon-El had chucked across the yard like a quarterback.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

She’d fucked up, but she wasn’t a quitter. Trial and error were a part of any scientific experiment, but this wasn’t one of her father’s or Lena’s lab projects. This was her and Lena’s real lives. Lena deserved an explanation, an apology, and Kara begging on her knees for forgiveness. The alien practiced what she was going to say the entire ride up to Lena’s office. She’d even written it down. First in Kryptonian and then translated to English, so that she could read from either if she got frustrated or flustered. Lena deserved her best, and that meant less stuttering.

When she arrived at the floor, Jess’ desk was oddly empty. Kara was slightly relieved, she was afraid the smaller woman would pull kryptonite on her for hurting her best friend. Kara wouldn’t blame Jess if she did. She continued to the door of Lena’s office, took one deep breath, and knocked twice.

“Come in.”

Wait, what?

Kara walked into the office, confused to see Jess sitting at Lena’s desk. Brown eyes narrowed at her.

“Miss Danvers. I’m sorry; Miss Luthor is away on business at the moment. And no, she is not taking messages at this time I have to please ask you to leave.” Although everything was said with sharpness, the last point was particularly edged.

Kara was flabbergasted. “She didn’t have any business trips planned until later in the month. Where is she Jess?” It came out as a plea.

The other woman remained unmoved. “Miss Luthor’s whereabouts are none of your concern. As acting CEO, I am in charge. Don’t make me call security to escort you out.”

Kara sputtered, feeling like she was full of hot air. Acting CEO? How long was Lena going to be gone for? Panic began rushing in. Ignoring Jess, she whipped her glasses off and listened for Lena’s heartbeat. It wasn’t in the city. When did she leave? She’d heard it last night, after her talk with Mon-El.

“I said just go.”

So had Lena. Right here in this very office, only 5 days ago. And now she was gone and it was all Kara’s fault. Her eyes blurred as she stopped herself from blasting out the window and into the sky just to get away from everything.

Jess didn’t need to tell her a third time.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The great thing about having Alex as an older sister was that she almost always knew what to say. And if she didn’t, she always knew exactly who would. In this situation, that person, or Martian, to be specific, was J’onn J’onzz. After Kara had flown through her sister’s window in civilian clothes (in broad daylight, no less!) crying her eyes out, after days of avoidance, the redhead had listened to everything Kara finally aired out. She couldn’t be more thankful for family like Alex. They cuddled up on the older woman’s couch, and tired from all the emotional venting, Kara dozed.

When she woke, Alex was gone, a few large pizzas were on the kitchen table, and J’onn was sitting across from her in the armchair, reading a book. Kara sprung upright in shock. She moved to straighten out her messy hair and wrinkled clothes, wiping her mouth in case she had drooled. “Rao, I’m sorry, I know I look like a mess.”

J’onn closed his book gently and placed it on the coffee table. “ No. You look like a person whose lost their entire world. Again.” Kara was not prepared for that one. She swallowed, trying to get past the sudden lump in her throat. “It feels like my world ended, but I don’t even have the right to be sad about it like with Krypton. Because this time it was me. I ended it.” She leaned forward on the couch, elbows on her knees, dropping her face into her hands. She thinks she has finally run out of tears.

“I am not usually one for modern human trends. But, as you know, I made an exception when Lucy forced me to get Instagram.” That got a snort out of Kara. She remembered Lucy’s glee when creating the account for “PapaJonnz.”

J’onn continued, “I like seeing you all so happy. I think it keeps me young. My daughters would have probably loved it. But I have used it in other ways.” He reached into his jacket and pulled out his phone, swiping at the screen. “In all my time on Earth, nothing has moved me more than human poetry. This is one of my favorites. It’s by a woman named Nayyirah Waheed.”

The Martian cleared his throat, “I don’t pay attention to the world ending. It has ended for me many times, and began again in the morning.” Kara breathe out sharply through her nose, hunkering down further as J’onn put his phone away and folded his hands together.

“Kara, we have both seen worlds end, we have both lost people. And despite all that, life keeps moving forward. We will always face obstacles. Worlds will always end; in the same way that the ones we love will always die. But sometimes, things don’t actually terminate. I lost my daughters, and it was horrific.” At this Kara dropped stretched her arms toward the Martian, linking their fingers. “I carry their loss with me every day. But I am still blessed with you and Alex.” He smiled at her, squeezing her hands. “And despite losing our home planets, we have both found a home here, on Earth.”

He got up, pulling on their linked hands in order to get Kara to stand at Alex’s window where they could watch the sunset. “You may feel like the world is ending, but I assure you, it will begin again at sunrise. And you will be in a new world in which you can try once more.” Kara sniffled, apparently not having run out of tears after all. She turned to take J’onn in her arms tightly, knowing her could take the force, closing her eyes as she felt the last of the sun’s waning rays hit her. She felt the usually stoic man slowly return the embrace, patting her back softly, if not a little bashfully.

“And whatever world you’re in, Kara? It’s one where you two figure it out. You just have to try.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for reading and sorry for any grammar mistakes. Stay well everyone.
> 
> If you want to listen to any tunes while reading, I have a few wlw playlists on my spotify, including supercorp & sanvers (and also a pretty extensive break-up playlist). You just have to scroll through all my soccer playlists to get to them: https://open.spotify.com/user/jesskrakes


	5. Chapter 3 - Lena

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena returns to the scene of the crime. But she refuses to let history repeat itself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you matt, who is my jess in a lot of ways, and thank you sam, who is my maggie, especially when i'm heartbroken.
> 
> Timeline After Lex = AL  
> 1 year and 3 months AL: Lena moves to NC  
> 1 year and 9ish months AL: Lena and Kara meet  
> 2 years 2-3 months AL: Lena leaves NC

Chapter 3 - Lena

_You're not the best thing that I knew  
Never was, never cared too much for all this hanging around  
It's just the same thing all the time  
Never get what I want, never get too close to the end of the line  
You're just the same thing that I knew  
Right before the time when I was running from you_

For the record, Lena Luthor was not running away. The trip back home to Metropolis (even if home was starting to feel more like her apartment in NC) had been planned for next month for awhile now. She hadn’t mentioned it to Kara, thinking that maybe she could surprise the blonde with a weekend getaway to the East Coast. But that was just a dream, and she had been silly to let herself start dreaming again.

 _Paradise is where I am?_ What a load of shit she had been telling herself.

So she had the visit moved up (Maggie’s idea), informed the board, herself, that she was coming early and may be staying longer, officially handed the reins off to Jess, and headed off.

She hadn’t heard from Kara in 4 days. Not that she really expected to, their conversation seemed pretty final to her. Kara’s words swirled in her head, the blonde’s babble making more sense as she pondered it all.

“I keep thinking about my legacy, Lena, and this isn’t what my parents would have wanted.”

“I don’t know why I don’t have more self-control. You don’t know what you’re doing to me. I hate it.”

“It’s not you. I’m sorry, but I just can’t live like this. It’s like I’m living a lie.”

It seems Kara Danvers loved her against her better judgment, and she finally couldn’t take it anymore. Lena knew her girlfriend had been struggling, a complete idiot could figure that out, and Lena was no chump. But no matter what she did, the woman wouldn’t open up to her. It scared her how Kara had had this whole storm raging underneath the surface for so long. Was that how Lex had felt? His emotions bubbling under the surface until he snapped?

It was almost worse that Kara hadn’t dumped her because she didn’t love her. Because if Kara didn’t love her, then that was something tangible, there would be reasons Lena could quantify. But loving her and still not choosing her? Not choosing to work on things with Lena by her side? That was worse. Unquantifiable, at least to Lena. She was reminded, yet again, that love wasn’t always enough. It hadn’t been enough for Jack, it hadn’t been enough to stop Lex from committing crimes, it hadn’t been enough for Lois and Clark to reach out. It hadn’t been enough to get Kara to stay.

Lena hadn’t been enough to get Kara to stay.

She really thought it would be different with the Kryptonian. She felt like no one would ever understand her the way Kara did. She felt like she would never trust anyone the way she trusted Kara. Because Kara really was a mess, even when she was trying not to be.

It had only taken a month of dating for Lena to realize that. She knew Kara was either an alien, a refugee, and/or an immigrant. “I flew here on a bus?” Come on, could she be more obvious? And then there was the code-switching all the time. Lena knew the signs of someone who spoke English as a second language.

While Lena, herself, couldn’t remember much Irish Gaelic, she remembered how hard it had been with her first tutors. They had thought she was dumb at first because she took so long to figure out the right English, or specifically, American English way to say things. But she was young and it was almost impossible to tell now. The only time she had that problem was when talking to international partners, and even then she only had to switch between Spanish, Russian, and Mandarin. Kara’s hesitations and stuttering spoke of multiple languages being sifted through.

Then there was Kara’s brilliant mind, on par, if not better, than Lena’s own. A marketing major from NCU usually wouldn’t be able to keep up with a conversation about the embryonic field of using synthetic DNA to store information. At first, she chalked it up to Kara just picking up science as a hobby after growing up with the Danvers. But none of the Danvers had studied quantum-engineering. Or astrophysics. Add this to Kara’s sometimes sudden disappearances, and her insanely quick reflexes (how else would she always be able to nab the last dumpling?), and Lena knew something was fishy.

But she hadn’t voiced it. She didn’t have to know all Kara’s secrets to know who Kara was. People, and aliens, had more to them than just their secrets. Kara, especially, had more to her. There was more warmth in her laugh, in her smile, than Lena had ever felt in her life. It made her dream of sunny beaches and the warmth of a fading sunrise. The blonde moved like water through Lena’s hard parts, washing out the lingering sadness Lex had left, making Lena soft again. She listened to Lena’s stories about her childhood with empathy, and shared her own for perspective.

Kara Danvers knew everything about her.

And then Kara Zor-El did too.

That was a little bit of a surprise, and Lena had felt like a dumbass for not putting two and two together. But she guesses you can’t be right all the time. And it was actually a pleasant surprise. Supergirl had saved her twice, and Kara’s protective dances around her after each incident now made more sense. Her girlfriend had always been looking out for her. Lena was trying to be a glass-half-full type of woman, that was Darla’s influence, and she put more weight in Kara coming clean to her than she did in Kara having hid it in the first place.

Lena thinks she adjusted well, all things considered. She went from losing all the family she was close to, to gaining 3 best friends, and then to having a girlfriend who came with all these other new people. It had been overwhelming at first, which is why she was happy to have taken it slow those first few months. She had even been fine with Kara keeping their relationship from Alex, at first. Lord knows Lena did not want their relationship grinding to a halt before it could even really begin. She respected Kara’s wishes, the same way Kara had respected hers in regards to keeping a low profile when they went out together. Nothing kills romance like a media circus.

She got used to having someone to wake up to. Someone to text at all hours of the day if she wanted to (not that they did that, they were both busy women). She got used to knowing what it felt like to have someone know you and accept you anyways. Kara didn’t see Lena’s company as dirty like Jack had. She saw it for what Lena had turned it into - a force for good. She didn’t make fun of Lena’s game night with Maggie or girls’ night at the bar, and she was confident enough in their relationship not to be clingy. In return, Lena understood Kara’s needs for sister nights with Alex or boys’ night with Kara’s “tres bro-migos” as Mon-El called them (Maggie regrets teaching him Spanish).

Most of all, Lena loved the way their worlds just seemed to fit together. A relationship between an alien superhero and a workaholic CEO shouldn’t have been easy. But it was. They balanced each other out. Kara got her to take more breaks and even take Sundays off, something not even Jess could achieve. And when Kara just wanted to float away on her worst days, Lena brought her back down to Earth, grounding her.

That’s why the sex thing really wasn’t that big of a deal. Lena didn’t need to have sex with Kara to feel validation in their relationship. Sure, she liked sex, she wasn’t a nun. But it wasn’t the be all or end all that her classmates had seen it as in boarding school or even in college. She’d went through a phase of flings in her first years at MIT, encouraged by Lex to “find herself,” and while it hadn’t always ended well, she had learned early on what sex meant to her.

And it sure as hell didn’t mean more to her than Kara. So when Kara pulled away at times, when she didn’t seem comfortable with PDA or being on the receiving end, Lena honored that. Consent was important. And if Kara wanted to stop in the middle of giving Lena a mind-blowing orgasm, then that was fine. Lena could just deal with her frustration in the shower later, imagining Kara on her knees. She tried to make sure that Kara felt loved whenever these moments happened. Lena never wanted Kara to feel like she didn’t accept everything about her.

So what if Kara fell somewhere on the asexuality spectrum? It wasn’t that important. Didn’t she know that if Lena loved her even if she was an alien, even if their families seemed to be mortal enemies, that meant Lena would love her even if she didn’t want to have sex with her? But there was obviously more to it, as Kara pulled away from her, slipping further and further to a place Lena couldn’t reach.

And then Kara left her, causing Lena’s dreams for them to come crashing down in her wake.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first day without Kara, frankly, sucked.

Lena had spent the last evening sleeping on the couch, where she’d been spending more evenings than not without Kara there as her space heater. She hated not falling asleep with the blonde, and hated even more waking up without her.

She went about her morning, robotically, pouring coffee into one of her Ruby mugs. She thought back to the day before. Jess had found her crying in her office and the two had relocated to the futon, Darla appearing an hour later to join the cuddle puddle as Lena blubbered like a child. They listened, they dissected Kara’s actions and words, they let Lena rage and raged with her. It reminded her of how Lois would be there for her after one of her break-ups, always there with a listening ear, some tough love, and threats to break someone’s nose.

She was lucky she hadn’t had any meetings planned after lunch, or else they never would have been able to spend so much time like that. By the time they were all packing up to get home, Lena felt like she’d cried enough tears to raise the falling sea levels.

She watched Jess, who was kissing Darla goodbye at the elevator banks. Her best friend walked back towards her, still intent on cleaning up her desk before leaving. “Jess, have you ever fallen in love so hard it ruined you?” The Asian American sat down in her chair, starting to close down programs on her monitors. “Lena. I think real love doesn’t ruin anyone, even if it doesn’t work out. So ask yourself, is this really ruining you? I know it feels like shit, but did loving her ruin your life?”

Lena shakes her head quickly, “No, she was a gift I didn’t think I deserved. I’m better with her.”

Jess shrugged, “Then you’re not ruined, you’re just heartbroken.”

Great, as if that was any better.

Lena helped Jess organize the files on her desk. “I just have all this love for her, all these dreams with her… Where do I put them? How do I put them down?” She slaps down the files going into the output box with more force than necessary.

Jess shoos her trembling hands away, neatening the stack. “You dream new dreams Lena. And we’re here to dream with you.” She seems to want to say more, but hesitates, hands pausing above the finished stack. Lena notices. “Jess?”

Jess drops her hands, frowning. She looks at Lena, analyzing her, before shoving the rest of the shit she needs into her briefcase blindly.

“I’ve known Kara for months and I know she loves you. But I think she’s going through some things right now that have her out of sorts. I’m not saying wait for her or anything. I’m just saying not to blame yourself. My mom always says that you can’t be happy with anyone else, unless you’re first happy with yourself.”

She grabs Lena’s hand, looking her boss in the eye. “And I don’t think Kara’s happy with herself right now. Objectively I can respect her choice, because it’s not fair to you. She can either let you in, or let you go. She can’t have both. But as your best friend? My heart’s breaking too.” Tears drip down Lena's face, and she scrambles for a tissue in her pocket, mopping up the mess.

Seeing Jess’ worried look, Lena just tightened the loose grip Jess had on her hand, and they went downstairs to take a town car home.

Friday, Saturday, and Sunday were business as usual, even if it was her first Sunday work day in months. She didn’t mention Kara’s name. She ignored texts and calls from Alex and Winn. She ate lunch with her squad, ignoring the concerned looks they threw each other when they thought she wasn’t looking. She noticed that Maggie didn’t talk about Alex, which was a feat she had previously been incapable of. Even her weekly phone call with Sam on Saturday night was off, the CFO very pointedly not asking about Kara. There were meetings with investors, checking in on her new divisions of auto-workers, making things explode down in the labs. She laughed, she joked around, she yelled at people when they deserved it. Typical work days.

And then every night she went home to an empty apartment, stared at the box of Kara’s stuff Darla had packed one morning after Lena had left for work, and cried herself to sleep on the couch. She had thought she had known heartbreak before, but it seemed that the Luthor tragedies would know no end.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When she got back to Chinatown on Sunday night, Maggie was sitting outside her door. She must have come straight from work, her NCPD duty jacket still on. The cop usually switched it out for one of her many leather jackets. Lena sighed. She knew everyone meant well, but she just wanted this week to be over. “Slow night for crime, Detective?”

Maggie pulled herself up gingerly, stretching out her back. “Yeah, got stuck writing paper for a couple of deuces this shift. Too much time at my stupid desk fucks up my back.”

“Awww _pobrecita_ ,” Lena mocks. Maggie stuck her tongue out as Lena unlocked the door and let her enter the apartment first. “I’m not much in the mood to play anything tonight Mags,” Lena started, but was interrupted.

“I think maybe you should move up your trip to Metropolis. Get away for a little while.” Was Maggie kidding her right now? Lena couldn’t believe this shit.

“You mean run away? Like you did from Gotham? If anyone should leave, it should be her. She’s the one who fucked up, just like you did.” She regretted the words the moment they came out of her mouth. Everyone knows Gotham is a touchy subject for Maggie, a reminder of personal failures and stupidity.

For her part, Maggie took Lena’s words in stride. “I know you didn’t mean that and I know you think you can push me away. _Pero yo estoy contigo. Estoy contigo Lena._ We all are. It’s going to be okay.” Lena’s shoulders hunched as her body instinctually made itself smaller, as if that could protect her from the emotional pain. She was touched by Maggie’s words. This stupid squad really was ride or die.

At Lena’s small movement, Maggie rushed over, grabbing Lena’s purse and dumping it on the floor by the couch. She stripped the younger woman of her trench coat and made her kick off her fancy heels before guiding her to the bedroom. It was kind of mortifying, but comforting at the same time, having Maggie stand guard outside the bathroom as she showered; being handed comfy pajamas when she got out; having her hair dried as tears tracked down her face.

Finally, Maggie tucked them both in on the couch, intuitively knowing that her bed was a no-fly zone at the moment. Maggie said nothing as Lena phoned Jess, letting the assistant know that she was going to be in late tomorrow, and that she was going to be leaving early for Metropolis Tuesday morning. If Jess was surprised by this information, she didn’t voice it. Instead, she sounded relieved. It seemed to Lena that maybe this was more of a team effort, than just a Maggie one. It made her tug Maggie’s arms tighter around her.

“I don’t want to do any of this without her Mags.”

“Ai, but _linda_ , I don’t think you’ll have to. These Danvers girls? They’re _loco, mucho loco_. Alex thinks Kara just needs to figure some stuff out.” From her place behind Lena, Maggie sighs into her shoulder.

“That’s what Jess said. But what if she doesn’t ever figure it out? And I’m just stuck here, in love with her. Left alone again.” Lena’s voice breaks on that last sentence.

“What am I? Chopped liver? I know all seems lost right now. And don’t get me wrong, I want to kick _Perrita’s_ ass. But Lena Luthor, you were this amazing, badass _chica_ before Kara Danvers walked into your life, and you’ll still be one if she’s chosen to walk out of it.” Maggie did not complain as Lena’s tears soaked through her shirtsleeve.

“For once, just worry about yourself. Don’t let this make you forget that you, despite your last name, or maybe in spite of it, deserve to be happy.”

“But I was happy with her! She just wasn’t happy with me. I wasn’t good enough,” Lena whispered. She felt Maggie stiffen behind her.

“Kara fucking Danvers does not have the market cornered on your happiness. You, you _estupida_ , you make _me_ happy. You make Jess and Darla happy. You make a whole massive international company happy. You’re good enough. You're fine Lee.”

There in safe arms, Lena takes a deep breath, stopping her mind from thinking of Kara for the first time since the blonde left. Instead, she let Maggie’s words sink into her head, focusing on the happiness she had with her friends, harnessing it. As she breathed out, she felt Maggie’s body relax behind her.

“Stop getting all soft on me, _Pollita_ ,” she murmurs, the rumble of Maggie’s chuckles the last thing she feels before she falls asleep. Her heart’s still broken, or maybe it will continue breaking for the rest of her life. But at least she’s in good company.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The next day, Lena dragged herself out of bed to the smell of fresh coffee and warm bagels on the table. The click of the door shutting as Maggie left for her shift must have woken her up. She sent a thank you text to the detective before getting ready for another shitty day. Lena was grateful she’d had the foresight to let Jess know she was coming in late. Her face was all blotchy from crying, and she was in desperate need of a comb for her hair.

By the time she got in, she was looking like her typical put-together self. It was business as usual, with her meetings doubled up in order to account for her late start and last-minute absence. When evening came and she was officially done for the day, she headed out to check on Jess, who was working even harder than Lena had.

She cleared her throat, pulling Jess’ attention away from her dual monitors. The woman met her eyes, but continued typing. “I’m sorry this is so last minute Jess. And I’m sorry for the other day. I know I’m dumping all this crap on you, and you’ve just been nothing but the best friend I could ask for the last 2 years. You deserve better than this.”

The clacking of keys stopped, and Jess spun away angrily from her monitors. “Lena, I’m here because I love this job. I love this company. And I fucking love you.” She threw down her headset onto her desk, getting up to grab Lena, engulfing her in a quick hug.

“So let me love you. I’m not always good at it, but this is the best way I know how. We both know I can run this place in my sleep. Say hi to Sam for me, okay? And give my parents my love? Dad will be waiting to pick you up at Met International at 5AM. Probably with your adoption papers.” Lena rolled her eyes at that, but pulled Jess back into her arms for one last tight squeeze. "Thanks," she whispered, resting her chin on top of Jess' head for a moment.

Jess indulged her for a minute before breaking out of the hug. She turned back and took her seat once more, making shooing motions towards the door. “Now leave me alone bitch, I got work to do.” Lena heeded her directions, shrugging on her jacket and making the lonely trek down to the lobby. She didn’t look back.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Metropolis is not much different than it was the last time she swung by for a visit. Lena gazed up at the familiar gleaming buildings that formed the iconic skyline known around the world. As Mr. Huang’s old Subaru navigated the already busy streets, he chattered to her in rapid Mandarin about what was going on and how excited he was for her stay. She gave absentminded replies as they passed through her old stomping grounds. There was the diner she used to go to with Lex, Lois, and Clark on Sundays. The jazz club she used to sneak into when she was home from school. The park she used to picnic in with Jack. Is this how Jack felt when he walked around here? Then The Daily Planet, looming over the city as a symbol of truth, but looking more like a symbol of loneliness to Lena, the spinning globe at the top reminding her how alone she was in the whole world.

Lena, shook her head, shrugging that thought away. She wasn’t alone. She focused back on what Mr. Huang was saying, and took a more active part in the conversation. She told him about what he really wanted to know - Jess’ love life. The older man was gleeful by the time they pulled up to the shop. He had known his daughter was dating a successful corporate woman, but he had no idea the woman could speak flawless Mandarin! Lena didn’t have the heart to tell him how exactly Darla had learned it. Still, she was happy he was enthused by the news.

As they walked in, she greeted Mrs. Huang at the counter with a hug before wheeling her suitcase into the backroom and up into the apartment. With their daughter on the other side of the country, and all their nieces and nephews in college, Jess’ parents had been happy to let Lena stay with them. Lena was more than relieved by the offer, having left the apartment to Jack, and not wanting to risk running into Lillian’s icy presence at the Manor.

She got herself settled in Jess’ old room. It was just like how they’d left it, messy in their haste to pack up and leave for National City. Lena cleaned up a bit, finding one of her T-shirts that she thought Jess had stolen. It was a ragged Met U shirt Lex had gotten her when she was kid. Back then it had been 10x too large, but it fit just right by the time she got to MIT. Slipping on some shorts, she debated wearing one of Kara’s sweatshirts that she had tucked away at the bottom of her bag. She moved to unfold it, but one look at the CatCo logo on it pulled at her heartstrings uncomfortably. Without a second thought, she tugged on the old shirt instead. She pulled out one of her smiley face notebooks, the 8th one, because she had finally succeeded at everything written in the first 7, and stayed up a few more hours, planning her week, before finally succumbing to jetlag and sleeping away the rest of the day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The first thing she did on Wednesday was swing by the office for a meeting with whom she jokingly called “the boss.” Sam, however, never found that particularly funny. The last time the CEO had teased her, she had just rolled her eyes. “Lena. My 13 year old is funnier than you. Just quit while you’re ahead.” Getting off at the top floor, she headed to what used to be her brother’s office. Sam’s assistant let her right through, and Lena was comforted by the fact that it looked nothing like it had the last time she’d seen it.

Knick-knacks from all the places Sam and Ruby had been were littered throughout the office. There were family pictures on the wall, well if you could call the three of them a family (Lena knew Sam and Rubes would insist they were). There was even the picture of Lena and Jess that they’d sent Sam as a joke, telling her not to miss them too much. In the corner, with the best view of the city was a smaller desk, the algebra textbook and art supplies making it obvious that it was Ruby’s place to do homework when she visited her mom. A couch, or really, a futon sat on the opposite side of the room. From the looks of it, Jess had tipped Sam off on which brand made the comfiest ones for sleeping at the office.

In the middle of the room, Sam was working at her standing desk, her “old woman glasses,” as Ruby called them, slipping down her nose as she nodded to the beat of the low pop song playing off her computer as she typed.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

Sam’s eyes snapped up to Lena, her glasses falling off with the movement. She paid them no mind, jogging around her desk to lift her friend off the floor in a hug, spinning her around. Lena closed her eyes with the motion. Sam always did know how to sweep people off their feet. She pulled away from her old friend, gesturing to the standing desk. “I see you’re putting my money to good use here.” Sam shrugged playfully, “Oh you know me. I saw everyone had one and just had to jump on the trend!”

She guided Lena over towards the couch, pouring them both a glass of water on the way. “How are you doing babe?” Lena hummed at the term of endearment, leaning back into the seat. “Well, after listening to Darla’s break-up playlist for 6 hours straight, I am doing all the emotions all at once. Seriously,” Lena shakes her head, “Jess has her hands full with that one.” Her and Sam share laugh.

The CEO continues, “But yeah. Just, feeling so down. I’m not going to cry my eyes out. I think I’ve gotten to the point where I can rationalize everything. I love her and I understand her. But she’s hurt me and I’m not going to run after her, no matter how much I’ve let myself see a future with her. She has to figure out what she wants. In the meantime, everyone’s told me to just live my life.” She sighs in frustration. Sam nods, sipping on her water. “Yeah, it’s good you’re keeping busy. This shit takes times, healing always does. But I promise, no matter what, it does get better. Just look at me and Rubes - we went from being barely able to afford rent to having our own house.” Lena smiled at that, it was satisfying to see Sam’s hard work pay off, see Ruby having a normal childhood where they didn’t have to move all the time.

She knocked back the rest of her water. “Well enough of this shit boss. We’re on the clock. Let’s get to it.”

Sam slapped Lena on the arm, but grabbed their glasses and left them on her desk. The rest of the day was spent getting Lena up to speed on where she was going to be spending her time. From then until Friday, L-Corp would own her soul even more than it usually did. This would be a 1 year assessment of Sam’s performance, as well as a branch assessment to make sure L-Corp’s biggest gun was still a powerhouse despite their shift away from weapons.

Lena threw herself into it. This was the type of exhausting work she needed right now. While a large number of the transfers who came to National City had been from the Metropolis branch, it was still nice to be completely surrounded by familiar faces. These were her ride or dies, as childish or Darla-ish as that sounded. The board meeting was pretty straight forward, and it was nice to catch up with the newer members who had been tasked with focusing on charity outreach. New sets of hospital buildings were being built, with L-Corp footing the bill. That was the type of thing Lena liked seeing her money spent on.

By Friday, she was well and truly exhausted. It had been an excellent assessment. Sam was doing exactly as well as Lena had expected her to, which was much better than Sam had thought, herself. The new departments seemed productive, and Lena was beginning to think it was time to start implementing them in their foreign offices. Metropolis, National City, Star City, and their other major American branches were all throwing out great numbers according to accounting. It was like Lex had never fucked anything up at all. Lena had even had time to blow shit up with her old team, who had moved from a garage to a basement start-up. Jack, declined to join them, but it hadn’t even bothered Lena.

By Saturday, Lena was still missing Kara, but it was more wistful than anything else, despite the ever present aching sadness. She sat in a camp chair next to Sam, munching on fruit as they watched Ruby’s team completely slaughter their opponent. It was amusing to watch powersuit, CFO Sam, who once made an investor cry, lose her absolute shit over a children’s soccer game. It was even more entertaining to see Ruby’s embarrassed face every time she looked over at them. At half-time she jogged over, pushing her mom back down into her chair. “Mom, it’s not like we’re playing in the Olympics, you need to calm down! My friends think you're crazy!” Sam’s offended face was worth waking up early to see. Lena had just wished Kara had been there to share it with her.

After the game, Lena returned to Chinatown, sitting at the counter in the shop reading. She’d stopped by her old office at some point during her chaotic week and grabbed a few of her old things. One of those items was the dog-eared book she was currently paging through - Charles Bukowski’s _Tales of Ordinary Madness._ Lois had lent it to her when she was a teenager going through her first big break-up. That’s probably why she’d picked it up when she saw it sitting on the dusty shelf. They had been at two different places in life at that time; Lena going through her first heartbreak, Lois engaged to be married. But Lois had said she should embrace the feelings, let herself be raw, like Bukowski. Lena finally understood what the older woman had meant. Sometimes you need to let yourself hurt, in order to finally start healing.

Tango, Lena’s favorite shop cat hopped up next to where her book was propped. She stopped to coo at the tortoise-shell feline. “Hey kitty, you want me to read to you?” She scratched at the cat’s ears until it flopped over, purring like a lawnmower. “Well, okay, you asked for it. Promise you won’t cry?” Tango’s tail flicked, as if in agreement. “Okay,” Lena said as she flipped back to where she had left off, too distracted by Tango to notice the shop bell ringing as a customer entered.

“I felt like crying but nothing came out. It was just a sort of sad sickness, sick sad when you can’t feel any worse.” Lena paused, heart heavy. She evened out her breathing, wanting to just finish the lines, but she felt like she’d been hit by a truck.

But she didn’t have to finish it.

A familiar voice chimed in softly, but with strength, “I think you know it. I think everybody knows it now and then. But I have known it pretty often, too often.” There standing before her, more than 2 years since they’d even been in the same room together, was Lois Lane. She was wearing casual clothes; much different than the suits Lena had seen her in on TV. Her brown eyes had a few more crow’s feet around them than Lena remembered, and a less confident woman might have colored in the patches of grey that had come in (probably from the stress of having Clark as a husband). She was a little older and a little more tired, but still Lois. And she was looking straight at Lena, hazel eyes meeting green.

“Been awhile kid. You wanna go for a walk?” The reporter cocked her head to the side in question, a familiar movement that reminded Lena of sneaking out for ice cream to talk about cute girls or guys. But she wasn’t a kid anymore, looking for the attention of an older and cooler girl. “Why should I? After all this time?”

Lois silently appraised her for a few seconds. “Because I’m the only one who’s ever been anywhere close to where you are now.”

Lena closed her book and left it next to a dozing Tango. She called out a goodbye to Mrs. Huang and followed Lois out into the bustling streets.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It wasn’t awkward. That was probably the most surprising thing. They’d walked the streets of New Troy in companionable silence so many times together, that this could have been any other day if it was 2 years earlier. Eventually Lois lead them to a bench in Centennial Park, but not _their_ bench, which stumped Lena for a second. Lois caught her look, though.

She nodded at the building directly across from them, sitting down. “Kelly Olsen’s office is in there.” Lena sat down in confusion. “Kelly? James’ sister?” Lois rolled her eyes, muttering, “He moves to the West Coast and tries to change his name? Dork.” But she nods, “Yeah, she’s the psychiatrist Clark and I have been seeing.”

Psychiatrist? Why on Earth were they seeing Kelly? Were they having problems in their relationship? As always, Lois could read her face like an open book. “We go to see her about Lex.” Lena sucked in a breath. She turned to stare at the building. “Does it help?’

“Not at first. It’s been a year now, and we’re leveling out. But we have setbacks. You had to deal with a pretty big one we had a few months ago.” Lena nodded, remembering her throw down with Clark. “The point is,” Lois continued, somewhat uneasily, “we knew we were fucked up and we knew we were taking it out on you. And that wasn’t right, so we had to get help.”

Lois could see how the usually tough woman was struggling. She knows Lanes suck at apologies and decided to be the bigger person. “You don’t have to say it Lois.”

At this she received a sharp glare. “I do. We abandoned you, and it wasn’t your fault. It wasn’t that we didn’t love you. It was that we couldn’t figure out how to after Lex. We were afraid for so long after, even of each other at times. It doesn’t excuse what we did. We know that. So I’m sorry. You deserve better.”

They were the words Lena had wanted to hear for 2 years. She took them in, watching as the older woman next to her sat ramrod straight, as if awaiting judgment from her commanding officer. She tried to summon up her usual anger, her usual bitterness in regards to her pseudo-siblings. But all she could think of was how she still had kept their picture up in her apartment. Maybe all her dreams hadn’t been shattered after all.

“Do you still have my picture up on the mantle?” she asked abruptly.

Lois, in her confusion, relaxed her posture. “The one from Lex’s party? Yeah, it’s still there. All your pictures are.” Lena nodded, feeling a little better about this meeting. “Good. Now enough about the Lex thing. I expect more about that from someone else. Someone Super…” Lena gave Lois a pointed look, to which the reporter nodded knowingly. “Tell me what you meant when you said you’d been in my place.”

Lois stretched her legs out in front of her, snickering when a skateboarder had to dodge out of the way. “You’re in love with a Kryptonian, and if there’s one thing about them, it’s that they always feel like they got the weight of the world on their shoulders. I know what happened with Kara, and it sounds like a she pulled a classic Clark on you.”

She tipped her head back, staring up at the tree branches above them. “Did you know Clark and I broke up once?” Lena isn’t proud of the way she gasped like a little girl at that. Lois continued staring up, smiling now. “It seems like a million years ago, but it felt like hell in the moment.”

“Clark had thought that it wasn’t fair for me to have to share the weight of his legacy, the weight of this oh so great House of El. And he felt like his parents, not the Kents, but his annoying ice dad, would have disapproved of him being with a human. So he left me, a month before our wedding.” Lena could not believe what she was hearing.

“Why have I never once heard about this?” she demanded.

Lois finally turned to look at her. “Because I had been ashamed and hurt and embarrassed. I didn’t have a group of girls to talk to about it, like you do. I just had Clark and Lex, and Lex was always Clark’s first. You and Jimmy and Luce were still kids. I wasn’t close to the Danvers. The General would have been a real dick about it. For a week, I was alone, and let me tell you, not even Perry White knew what to do with me. Clark had taken an assignment in Canada, God bless him, he knew he wouldn’t have been able to survive my wrath.”

“Well, you still ended up marrying the idiot, so what happened?”

Lois chuckled. “Smallville came back at the end of that week and begged me to let him explain. And I did. Because I loved him. And when I dreamed, it was of him. I wanted to give that dream another chance.” Lena took this in. She couldn’t help but note that a week had already passed and Kara still hadn’t reached out. Maybe Clark and Kara weren’t so similar after all. Without thinking, she leaned to rest her head on Lois’ shoulder, the older woman only hesitating for half a second before putting her arm around Lena.

“The thing about Supers, Lee, is that they always have all these notions about what it means to be the last Kryptonians and what it means to be human. So much so that they forget what it means to just be them. And we know better than anyone else, who they really are.”

That actually makes _so_ much sense? Kara had gotten all stuck in her head; feeling conflicted about her alien and human sides, that she didn’t let herself just be Kara, the woman Lena was head over heels in love with. “Kryptonians are pretty stupid,” she grumbled, making Lois bust a gut laughing, jostling Lena from her comfy position.

“Hey I heard that!”

Would wonders never cease? Crossing the path and coming to sit on Lena’s other side was Clark Kent. He was looking different from the last time she’d seen him. Less tense, and with a real smile on his face. “Good to see you Littles.”

At the nickname, Lena scowled. “Hey Superman,” she intoned dryly.

Clark winced. “Yeah, I should have come to see you after Kara told you. There are a lot of things I should have done.” Lena remained silent at that. She needed more. Forgiving Lois was easy, but she had known Clark since she was little kid. She’d idolized him for so long, loved him for longer.

“I’m Superman and I never saw it coming. I am arguably the strongest man alive, and my best friend broke me in half like a chocolate bar. He didn’t even have to strike me to do it. I just had to see him in that suit, hurting all those people, that’s all it took for him to shatter me, my faith in the world, and my faith in myself.” From Lena’s other side, Lois reached over to squeeze his shoulder.

“His betrayal made me second guess every one of my actions. Should I have told him about my powers? Were you in on it the whole time? Did he go mad because he knew I was keeping something from him? Had he been jealous of my “friendship” with Superman? I had put all my trust in that man, and he had spurned it. The only one I trusted anymore was Lois, and she wasn’t in any better a position to help me through it.” He gave his wife a shaky smile, and Lena heard Lois sniffling behind her.

“But as much as I was hurting, you had it worse. You were just a kid; you’re still just a kid! And we left you to fend for yourself. No amount of apologizing can make that right. But I hope today I can start to.” He nodded towards Kelly’s office. “We made an appointment for a group session with Kelly, if you want to join us. You’re my family Littles, and it’s time we start healing as one. Please.” He reached over hesitantly, and Lena allowed him to take one of her hands in his.

Family.

Lena had dreamed of family since she lost her mother. She thought she’d found it with Lex, Lois, and Clark. At one point, she thought she’d found it with Jack. Then, one way or another, she lost them all. But it hadn’t been the end of “family” for her. She’d found her squad, and they were her family, she had faith in them. And Kara, despite where they stood now, was family too. But Lena knew, deep down, she still had a ways to go before she had healed from the holes Lex had ripped in her life. She needed to figure things out, just like Kara did.

Mrs. Huang’s words echoed in her head, “You can’t be happy with anyone else until you’re happy with yourself.”

She wasn’t choosing this for Clark, or even Kara. She was choosing this for herself. Choosing to be happy, choosing family. She looked at Clark’s wet blue eyes, so similar to those of the woman she loved, and stood up. She headed towards Kelly’s building.

She smirked as she heard the two reporters scramble off the bench to follow after her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lena thinks it went well. It had been decided that she would Skype in for weekly session with the Kents. She knew it was a step in the right direction, and spending time with these people again made her miss Kara both more and less. Clark’s smile was just too similar to Kara’s. The way Lois moved her hands as she talked reminded her of Kara’s manic gesticulations as she re-enacted a scene from her day.

Or maybe, Kara had been the one that reminded her of the Kents to begin with and not the other way around. Was this what made Kara feel so familiar to her, so easy to open up to? She jotted that down in her mind to explore more later. The three of them were heading back to L-Corp to have a drink in her old office, throwing around the idea of catching a show in Glenmorgan Square the next evening.

But when they arrived there, they found Lena’s office less vacant than they had thought. Pacing back and forth in front of the window was Kara, windswept, glasses gone. She was so caught up in thinking that she hadn’t even noticed them walk in. Lena was frozen, watching the blonde in shock. She felt a hand on her elbow and turned, wide green eyes meeting Lois’ laughing brown ones. The reporter whispered, “All things considered, she’s right on time.”

Clark folded his arms sternly as he took in his cousin. “You keep doing that and you’ll put a hole in the floor Kara Zor-El.”

Kara whipped around in annoyance, hands on her hips, “You shut up Kal!” It had been a knee-jerk reaction to the scolding, but her arms dropped from her stance the moment she saw the CEO. “Lena,” she said in awe, “You’re here.”

Lena held herself back from falling into those blue eyes. “It’s my office, and my building. Of course I’m here. The question is, why are you?”

If Kara was dismayed by Lena’s stoicism, it doesn’t show. Instead she seems bolstered by it. She swiftly moves to stand in front of Lena, using her superspeed before the CEO can think to move away. “Because you don’t let go of special.”

It takes Lena a minute to place the words, but she doesn’t have an eidetic memory just for show. It’s what she’d told Clark when he was waffling over asking Lois out. Did he tell her that story? Behind her she heard the thump of the door closing, meaning the Kents had made their escape. Little shits.

If Kara knows the story, she knows the weight those words carry. Lena thinks of Lois, of dreams, and decides to take a chance, the same way she did when she first met Kara. “You get 5 minutes. That’s it. And if I don’t like what you have to say, then you leave.”

Steely determination grows in Kara’s eyes. She pulls out a paper, and scans it quickly before taking a deep breath. “Growing up, I had the weight of my family’s name on my shoulders, the same way you’ve had the Luthor name on yours. And back in Kandor, it was easy to know exactly where my life was going. I was going to work in the Science Guild with my father and uncle. The Matricomps was going to assign me the one who complemented me the best and we would stand on the Jewel of Truth and Honor and swear loyalty to each other. We were going to have children through the Birthing Matrix. And it may not have been love like you know it on Earth, but it would have been exactly like everyone else on my planet. I think I would have been happy. And then I lost everything, and I’ve been so confused about who I am ever since.”

“But the more I think about it. I did lose everything. But I’ve also gained everything Lena. There’s no Matricomps here, and I have spent years wondering if the reason I couldn’t connect with anyone was because my perfect match died on Krypton. But I’ve realized that my perfect match was never there to begin with. It’s you. It’s always going to end up coming back to you. Earth gives me a choice, the free will to choose who I want to love. And I choose you.“ She reached forward to grab Lena’s hands, but pulled away at Lena’s sour look. Yet Kara continued, unwavering.

“I’ve been afraid of so many things lately. Afraid to let down my parents, betray my culture. But mostly I’ve been so afraid of losing you. And in my fear, I hurt you. For that, I can never stop apologizing. I stopped seeing how happy we made each other, and just started seeing how unhappy I could make you, because I can’t give you a normal relationship in so many ways. I mean, I’m a superpowered alien and we’d need Winn’s tech to even have sex without me worrying I’d hurt you! And I think I’m asexual? Or at least demi-sexual? I don’t know, but I want to figure it out with you. But you didn’t ask for that, so I freaked out. I did wrong by you by not letting you make that decision for yourself. So I’m here now asking for a second chance. This time I’m asking you if, knowing all this, you’ll still choose me, choose us?” At this point she was pleading, her thick lashes getting stuck together as they were weighed down with teardrops.

Lena’s own eyes were damp. She swallowed dryly, trying to organize her thoughts. She straightened to her full height, even though she was shorter than Kara, and no one could look intimidating in ratty Converse. “I am a strong person in my own right. I brought L-Corp back from the dead. I have amazing friends and a bright future ahead of me. I can meet someone who treats me just as well as you did, even better maybe, and without all this painful history between us. I can do all these things and be happy.”

Kara’s eyes close at Lena’s admission. She moves to take a step back, but can’t. Her eyes snap open to see that Lena had grabbed one of the lapels of her jacket, holding her in place.

“I can live this life without you. But I don’t want to. So don’t make me Macushla. Don’t push me away again. I can’t take the heartbreak anymore; my heart’s broke enough over the last couple of years. Don’t leave another scar on it.”

Kara looks at her like she’s the most fascinating thing in the world. Kara’s always looked at her like that. She reaches up to cover Lena’s fingers where they still gripped her jacket, prying them off in order to interlace them. “I won’t, I promise.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

They don’t kiss. Not yet.

They spend the next hour or so talking about things they can do to prevent this from happening ever again.

One of the first things they decide is that they should incorporate more Kryptonian traditions into their lives so that Kara would stop having to feel so split between them all the time. She taught Lena some simple prayers they could say at sunrise and sunset, and promised to teach her some songs. In return, Lena said she’d learn Kryptonese, lamenting that she didn’t have Darla’s powers for language.

Lena listened to Kara talk about Krypton, and filed all the information away for a later date. Some things were pretty useless because they didn’t yet have the technology on Earth. But other things, Lena deemed valuable. Like the fact that she’d one day get to make Kara a bracelet for their wedding. Or how Kara admitted she’d been calling Lena by a Kryptonian term of endearment, _zhao_ , for months now, but only when the woman was asleep. That was definitely going to change. They talk about Kara’s family motto and how they could incorporate it into their relationship - Kara nervously tossed out finding something Lena could wear with her crest on it, maybe a charm.

The CEO couldn’t wait for these signs of love to become actual parts of her day. Lena obviously hadn’t learned her lesson on the consequences of dreaming, but she thinks no one ever really does.

They talk about sex, too, because of course they have to. Lena reaffirms her feelings about the subject, taking Kara’s face in her hands until the blonde understands that this will not make or break them. She respects Kara’s body and Kara’s choices for it. That being said, Lena encouraged Kara to explore her asexuality or demisexuality, if those are labels she decided she wanted. “I want us to have clear boundaries so that we both know where we stand. You can change these boundaries at any time if you decide you want more or less. When I say I love you, I don't mean never change. I mean that no matter what you decide, I know you'll always be you. And I love that you.”

Kara agrees, also mentioning that she would like to try and find a counselor. “I feel like I don’t know if I’m on the asexuality spectrum, or if I’m just sexually repressed because of my upbringing. Because Rao, you are just so gorgeous and sometimes I really do want you.” It makes Lena turn as red as a fire engine, but she thinks that’s probably a good idea, already making a note to call Kelly and see if she can refer them to anyone.

They weren’t easy conversations, not by a long shot. They were kind of awkward and made both of them feel vulnerable. But they were getting through them, together, and that was not lost on the Luthor. She had built enough machines and designed enough buildings in her life to know that things don’t often break if the bones are good.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

But they laughed too. As the conversation moved to lighter topics, Kara pulled her around the office to dance like she used to when she’d fly by to see Lena still working late at night.

“You know I tried to strong-arm Maggie into putting an APB out on you, but she said I could save her the trouble and just use my brain. That is, use my brain after I pulled my head out of my ass. I think she hates me? So Thanksgiving is going to be fun this year. What does _coño_ mean?” Lena belly-laughed at that one, almost falling over when Kara spun her out.

As her giggles die down, Kara tugs Lena in closer, and the CEO thinks that finally, finally, this is the moment she’ll get her kiss. But Kara doesn’t lean in for it. The CEO stares into the bluest eyes she’s ever seen, the ones that remind her of the waves back home, constantly being pushed and pulled by emotions. As Kara rests her forehead on Lena’s, she whispers, “Lee?”

Still staring into those oceanic eyes, Lena hums in acknowledgment. From their position pressed together as they are, Lena can feel the rumble of a laugh building up in the blonde.

“Life is too short,” Kara started, and Lena closed her eyes in exasperation. Un-fucking-believable. This woman.

The alien continued, barely containing a laugh, “And we should be who we are. And we should kiss the girls we want to kiss.” At this point the two lose their battle with solemnity and start laughing. They clutch each other tightly as they both try not to fall over. Mocking the cop and the agent would never not be funny. Seriously, those two were gay with a capital G.

As the laughter died down, Lena returns them to their original position. “Finish it,” she demands, her eyebrows raised in challenge, although the soft smile on her red lips softens the statement.

Kara, breathless from both laughter and Lena’s proximity, and looking at her with so much adoration, does just that.

“And I really just want to kiss you.”

They meet each other in the middle, and Lena remembers that kiss for the rest of her life.

It wasn’t the type of kiss you dream of. It was the type of kiss you build a life on.

And Lena Luthor was ready to go to work.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for reading everyone. this was a very cathartic experience for me - just got out of a long relationship with a woman i thought was forever, and this fic helped me work through some of the resulting depression. in an ideal world, imperfect people like kara and lena can make things work. thanks for sticking around and seeing them get the happy ending not many of us do get.


	6. Epilogue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

_I wonder what it's like to be a superhero_   
_I wonder where I'd go if I could fly around downtown, yeah_   
_From some other planet, I'd get this funky high on a yellow sun_   
_Boy, I bet my friends will all be ... stunned_   
_They're stunned_

Outside Lena’s office, Clark turned away from the couple, slipping his glasses back onto his face as he pushed himself off the wall he had been propped against.

“Well?” He turned to look at Lois, slouched into one of the ridiculously expensive seats outside the office, a downright motherly expression on her face. “Did they figure their shit out? It’s been almost 2 hours, my phone is dead, and I’m starving.”

Clark chuckled, “Yeah it’s getting pretty gross in there. We can tease them later. You wanna head out? We can try that new Thai place and then fall asleep watching infomercials on the couch.” He reaches over, lacing their fingers together before tugging her uptright.

Lois rolls her eyes sarcastically, but her lips quirk up into a smile. “God, you’re such a romantic Clark.” They walk into the elevator, Lois pressing the button for the lobby.

As the lift takes them down, Clark lets out one gigantic sigh, tipping back against the wall. “You know, Lex would lose his mind over this.” He frowned, “Well, he would if he hadn’t already lost it, I mean.”

Lois squeezes his hand, nodding thoughtfully, “Yeah he always did have that weird notion that they’d be perfect for each other. Who’d have thought he’d be right? A Luthor and a Super.” The elevator dings and they exit into the crowded L-Corp lobby, making their way to the exit.

But Clark stops them before Lois can go through the revolving doors, tugging her to the side. He glances up at the ceiling above them. “What’d you think he’d say, if he was here?”

Lois rests her hand over Clark’s heart, pushing him lightly. “ You know exactly what he’d say Smallville. And he’d do it with that shit-eating grin on his stupid face.” Clark’s face crinkled in confusion before it hit him. Lex was such a little shit sometimes.

Husband and wife grinned at each other. It was almost as if they could hear the smirk in Lex's voice.

_“So when’s the wedding, Ace?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i would write a whole matchbox 20 universe with this fic if i had the time


End file.
